Trey Gowdy Promises To Get To Bottom Of Connection Between Michael Flynn’s Russian Contacts And Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) told Fox News this morning that he is “troubled and disturbed” by the arrest and indictment of President Donald Trump’s former national security adviser, General Michael Flynn.

On Friday, Mr. Flynn was taken into custody and plead guilty to one count of lying to the FBI about contacts he had with Russian envoys on behalf of the Trump campaign during last year’s hotly contested presidential election. Gowdy says this shows an “egregious lack of vetting” and “casts serious doubts and brings up tons of questions” about who else in the Trump campaign had communications with Russia, and whether they’ve lied about it. Gowdy told Blonde Big Breasted Heavily Made Up Female Anchor #32,000 that there is only one person to blame for this “embarrassing and frankly deeply concerning scandal.”

“Hillary Clinton,” Gowdy said emphatically. “Hillary Clinton is clearly to blame for this, as she is to blame for literally everything that has ever happened in this country, even before she was born. And I have a sneaking suspicion this is all part of a much larger, Benghazi-related cover up.”

Rep. Gowdy told the doe eyed, vapid, flapping maw in a skirt that “real Americans” know Ms. Clinton is the “root of all evil” and he will “stop at nothing” to “find out or make up the truth” about her.

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“If we Republicans know anything, it’s that one — we’re the real Americans here — and two, every single scandal or calamity that befalls anyone ever is all the fault of Hillary Clinton and part of the Benghazi cover-up,” Gowdy said. “It’s really so simple, isn’t it?”

Gowdy said on Monday he will send a letter to House Speaker Paul Ryan and demand that a special congressional inquiry into Flynn’s contacts with Russia be opened. He will also demand, Gowdy said, that the focus of the investigation be “pinpointed like a laser sight” on former Secretary Clinton’s “real, alleged, or even imagined connections” to the Flynn affair.

“It’s just enough to do whataboutism with Hillary anymore. We need more than that. There’s a connection to Benghazi here, I know it. I feel it in my conspiracy knee that always flares up whenever there’s a development that makes Republicans look bad,” Gowdy said. “It starts actin’ up and the next thing I know, I’m envisioning all kinds of ties between KILLARY, excuse me, that is very inappropriate of me, Crooked Killary, and whatever it is I’m desperately trying to deflect and distract attention away from.”

Ms. Clinton could not be reached for comment.

More satire:

Hillary Clinton Circling FBI Headquarters Shouting “Locked Him Up! Locked Him Up! Locked Him Up!”

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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