Who Knew So Many Republicans Fucked Their Sisters?

This week House Republicans came out swinging for “traditional” family values again as they pushed a new criminal justice appropriations bill through their ranks. This bill included a prohibition of funds being used in any way to pay for the abortions of female inmates in Federal prisons. The two exceptions they made are for rape and when the life of the mother is in jeopardy. One very notably missing exception is for incest. As the appropriations bill stands, a victim of incest would be forced to carry that child to full term.

Who knew the Republicans were such steadfast defenders of the family that they’d stand up so tall to fight for your right to impregnate your sister either before or during her stay in Federal prison? Who knew that the GOP was so laser-focused on keeping the family together that they literally want to keep you connected to your family…by your genitalia? Isn’t it nice to know we live in a world where someone is looking out for the rights of the father of an incest-rape-baby?

If you, like roughly 99% of Americans, feel that it’s just a tad on the harsh side to force a woman who was raped by her father, brother, uncle, or cousin to carry that man’s baby to full term, living every day with the horrible reminder of that most egregious of personal violations, then you’ll be glad to know that Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) feels the same way, and he has an amendment to the appropriations bill that would add the exception for incest. But, if you find yourself in the pro-incest camp like the House Republicans, then you should fear not because they killed the vote on Grayson’s amendment. So at least for one shining moment, incest won on the Hill.

I suppose that the House Republicans could make an argument that they are just once again standing up for family values as they appear in the Bible. I mean, we all know that those Old Testament days were all about populating the planet, so all kinds of incestuous begetting begat all kinds of familial relations. I mean sure, over the last few centuries we’ve sort of realized as a species how terrible inbreeding is, but Republicans aren’t concerned so much about that as they are about never once letting go of their ideological chew toy, even when it essentially makes them pro-incest. It’s hard to imagine even Newt Gingrich’s Contract  With America era Congress not making sure there was an incest exception in a bill that somehow restricted abortion access. But the Tea Party has already shown itself capable of grabbing hold of the GOP’s lapels and dangling them over the edge of sanity many times before; this is no exception.

But maybe there’s another reason the House Republicans were so anxious to block Grayson’s incest amendment. They say that politicians first and foremost look out for their best interests. So maybe there are a few Republican congressman who just want to have that whole incest option available to them. Sure this appropriations bill only applies to female inmates, but if they can get this provision pushed through now, it might be easier to get a pro-incest abortion bill through next time, and that abortion bill could maybe cover abortion more broadly, throughout the states. That would mean that finally they’d be free to sleep with their sisters, mothers and cousins freely, without fear of having to explain an abortion to their family or constituents.

You see, they’re not blocking access to abortion for females who are victims of incest, they are giving men and women more freedom in how they can choose to get pregnant. They’re returning conception to its biblical roots, and they are getting big government out of your family tree/orgy basement. Talk about a win-win-win-win-win situation! Everyone gets what they want in that scenario. Republicans get a bill that restricts abortion access and tacitly approves of sister-fucking. You can almost feel Ronald Reagan smiling up at us from Republican Fire Heaven, huh?

Of course, this is an election year, and you would think that if young, female Democratic voters are paying attention that this episode would give them one more reason to show up at the polls in November. You’d think that if any female from the age of 18 to 85 were to read about this appropriations bill and its rather curious pro-incest abortion amendment that they’d be appalled enough to make sure they turn out in record numbers to reclaim Congress from the jackasses that have blocked progress for nearly half a decade now.

But we won’t know about any of that for another few months, so until that time comes, let us all just bask in the inappropriate and devastating sexual behaviors that Republicans are so quick to defend, shall we?




  • Show Comments

But if they allow abortion for incest babies, then there will be fewer teabaggers!

0 comments? Why were comments scrubbed? I asked the source for your statement where the language was IN THE BILL that was removed specifically stating incest. That instead ALL of the comments were scrubbed calls into question your veracity as a writer of legitimate content or a mere Enquieresque smear writer. We do not need your writing if you are merely going to write incendiary garbage.


I get this site is more comedy that news but this is a clear case of state it as parody/humor or it’s going to be used as kindling.

Do you really need to be taught how hyperlinks work? Is this your first go-round on the Interwebs?


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