GOP Donors Tell Trump They Want Evidence He Can Read Before Giving to His Presidential Library

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Donald J. Trump will only be president for about another 48 hours, and at that point President-elect Joe Biden will take over. Trump joins a long list of American presidents to only serve a single term, however he gets the honor and distinction of having been the only man to be impeached twice while in office, and to never win the popular vote in any of the campaigns he ran.

As presidents end their terms, historically they’ve turned their attention to life after public service. Though Trump has only spent four of his nearly 80 years on the planet even pretending to be a public servant, he is no different than most of the men who came before him, and reportedly has been quite keen to start planning a $2 billion presidential library. However, word is already starting to circulate that Trump is having problems getting the fundraising for his presidential library started.

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“The president has reached out to all the usual big time GOP donors, asking them how much he can count on them giving to the effort to build his library,” one White House staffer speaking on the condition of anonymity told us via Skype. “Unfortunately, what he’s hearing from most of them isn’t very pleasing. They either outright tell him no, they don’t want to donate to a library dedicated to an insurrectionist president, or even worse, they tell him they won’t donate to an illiterate president’s library.”

According to our source, no fewer than ten Republican donors have demanded evidence that Trump can read before they will commit to giving him any money for the library.

“As you can imagine, the president has been quite taken aback at these demands, and he feels completely betrayed by these donors,” our source told us. “As soon as he gets his Hooked on Phonics tapes and a new box of fresh crayons, he intends to read them the riot act in a scathing letter. They’ll regret ever insulting him this way, just as soon as he learns how to read and write.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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