During the 2016 campaign, then-candidate Donald J. Trump made headlines by implying he would pay the legal fees for his supporter who assaulted a black protester as they were leaving a rally Trump was holding. Now, word has broken that a GoFundMe account has been established to pay for any legal fees incurred by any person who can successfully manage to “piss in Donald Trump’s face and/or morning beverage.”
The crowdfund’s description was posted as follows.
This country is in mortal danger of nominating and perhaps even electing a blowhard, B-grade reality-TV celebrity to the highest office possible. What is truly alarming isn’t so much that Donald J. Trump is stupid, and there is no doubt that he is a Class-A Moron, but what scares the living shit out of anyone with half a brain cell is that he’s stoking violence against protesters. The response to him in Chicago did not spring up out of a vacuum. The Chicago rally wasn’t shut down because of protesters threatening Trump’s safety, but because Donald is a coward.
If Trump is going to entice and incite violence at his rallies by claiming to be willing to pay the legal fees of his supporters who commit acts of violence against fellow Americans, then we have no choice than to set up this crowdfund to offer as a reward to the first patriot who manages to urinate either into Trump’s face and/or mouth directly, or indirectly by pissing into his coffee cup. That’s right. The first person to piss in Donald Trump’s face and/or morning beverage will collect however much money is in this fund.
His Secret Service detail might be tight, so you’ll have to get creative and maybe bounce your piss stream off off a wall or something to make it into Trump’s face. But if you happen to know someone working in room service at a hotel he’s staying in, maybe you can split the reward with them if they can manage to pee into his mimosa or coffee. So just remember, anyone who pisses in Donald Trump’s face and/or drink will get all this money. They deserve a Medal of Honor, but hopefully the cash in this fund is good enough.
A spokesperson for the Trump campaign said that the fund was “probably set up by never Trumpers, haters, losers, fat pigs, enemies of the press, Bob Mueller’s 12 trillion Angry Democrats, the coronavirus, or, of course, SLEEPY PEEPY WEEPY CREEPY DO-DEEPY SKO-SKEEPY BIDEN.” Trump’s spokesperson also said it was “highly un-American to use your own free speech to counter Trump’s free speech because the free speech of yooge winnahs is more important than the free speech of commies.”
GofundMe could not be reached for comment.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.