Giuliani: Trump Will Will Be Reinstated on August 33rd and Force NY Bar to Readmit Him

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was disbarred this week, meaning that in the Empire State, he is no longer licensed to practice law.

Mr. Giuliani was stripped of his admittance to the New York Bar Association for his role in spreading the false allegations that President Donald Trump had his election victory stolen by Joe Biden. For weeks following the election and its certification throughout the fifty states, Giuliani was one of a handful of lawyers attempting to stop that process and keep Trump in power. All told, Trump and his team lost more than four dozen separate lawsuits, some even before judges Trump himself appointed.


Today, speaking on One America News, Mr. Giuliani blasted the New York Bar Association, but also hinted that their decision will be reversed and his exile will be a short one.

“Well, Jack, I can tell you that George Soros and his Antifa Cancel Culture squads may be laughing right now,” Giuliani said, drinking his breakfast scotch, “but we’ll have the last laugh. Mark you calendars, folks. August 33rd it’s all going down. Q told me personally.”

According to Giuliani, on August 33rd, former, one-term, twice permanently impeached President Trump will be reinstated and take power back from Biden. Then, Trump plans to issue a “direct, royal decree” to the New York Bar, ordering them to let Rudy back in. The penalty for non-compliance, Giuliani said, would be “devastating.”

“He said he’ll make every one of them spend five minutes with one of his dopey sons. Having spent considerable amounts of time with both of his adult sons, I can assure you,” Giuliani warned, “nobody wants that. You’ll want to jump out of a building after five seconds. So, I hope the New York Bar is listening.”

Giuliani reiterated threats he made yesterday upon hearing the news of his disbarment. The former New York City mayor apparently thought being disbarred would also mean he could enjoy an alcoholic beverage or six from a Manhattan drinking hole, should he choose to do so, and threatened to sue any bar that didn’t serve him as a result.

“I will personally sue each and every New York City bar that refuses to serve me,” Rudy said sternly. “In fact, if you try to have me removed from your establishment, I will break a bottle of beer at the neck and fuckin’ fight you! Nobody is taking my precious hooch away from me, do you hear me, New York? NOBODY IS KEEPING MY GODDAMN HOOCH FROM ME!” (Pastiche Post)

Giluiani did not provide comment on this story.


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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