Rudy Giuliani Mentions 9/11 More Than 5000 Times In Three Minutes While Discussing Mueller Investigation

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — It was recently announced that former New York City Mayor Rudolph “Rudy” Giuliani is joining the legal team representing President Donald Trump in regards to Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election and any collusion between Trump’s campaign and the Kremlin.

Mr. Giuliani is a lifelong Republican, and was mayor of New York when the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks brought down the World Trade Center’s twin towers. Giuliani has said he plans to have a “limited role” in helping Trump navigate the Mueller investigation, which he expects could wrap up in just a couple of weeks.

Pick up a copy of James’ debut collection of satirical works covering the first year of the first satirical president.

Purchase 2017: The Year That Was (But Shouldn’t Have Been) on Amazon or

This morning, Giuliani was giving an interview to Chuck Wisterbottom, a conservative radio host in the Oklahoma and Texas markets, about the Mueller investigation and his involvement with Mr. Trump’s legal team. Giuliani spent three minutes on air and managed to mention the 9/11 attacks an astounding 5,000 times.

“Chuck, now, during 9/11, you remember 9/11 don’t you? Of course, I will never forget 9/11 because I was, I don’t know if you know this Chuck, but I was mayor of New York on 9/11,” Giuliani said. “You know, the 9/11 with the buildings and the planes and the steel beams and the whatnot? Anyway, I think I learned a great deal about myself and leadership in general on 9/11. I mean, you can’t be in charge of the city attacked on 9/11 and not have 9/11 inform the rest of your 9/11 life, you know what I mean, 9/11?”

Wisterbottom agreed that Mayor Giuliani “really stepped up on 9/11.”

“Of course I did, that’s just the 9/11 thing to do, if you get my 9/11,” Giuliani said. “When faced with a 9/11, and here’s where I think it applies directly to the Mueller 9/11, you are offered two choices, essentially.”

Giuliani took a breath.

“Either you 9/11 or you 9/11. There is literally no other 9/11 than that,” Giuliani said emphatically. “It’s just the plain and 9/11 truth. 9/11 is what it is and you can’t just 9/11 a 9/11 into 9/11. You have to 9/11 9/11 the 9/11.”

Wisterbottom agreed fully with Mr. Giuliani.

“Oh, absolutely. If there’s anything I hate it’s when people don’t Benghazi when they’re clearly just libBenghazi’d Benghazi faces,” Wiskerbottom said.

Buy this shirt and help us feed these kids that won’t keep bothering us about eating:

James‘ satire is also found on:
Alternative Facts
Alternative Science,
The Political Garbage Chute
The Pastiche Post

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This