George Santos Announces Kitara Ravache Will Handle His Committee Assignments

Congressman George Santos (Q-NY) has had a pretty rough start to his freshman year in the House of Representatives.

Before he had even been administered his oath of office, Santos was embroiled in a slew of scandalous accusations that he fabricated nearly his entire public biography. However, as commonplace as it may be for politicians to be accused of making up parts of their background, perhaps even all of it as in Santos’ case, it was allegations of campaign finance fraud really landed the New York Qpublican in hot water.

While Santos has resisted calls from within his own party to resign, this morning he announced to his colleagues that he was forgoing all the committee assignments Speaker of the House Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) and Alleged Speaker Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) gave him last week. However, Santos did not want the American people thinking he was abdicating his seat without ensuring someone he approved of would be handling his duties for him.

“Today, I told my fellow Republicans that, yes, indeed, I would be giving my committee assignments, at least until all these investigations work themselves out, or I end up on a plane back to Brazil, whatever, you know what I mean,” Santos half-joked. “But I told them not to worry because my good friend and confidante Kitara Ravache will be handling my responsibilities on those committees personally. And I have it on good authority that Kitara is really excited and raring to go.”

Greene hailed Santos has “brave and bold” and supported his decision to have Ms. Ravache carry out his committee assignments. Former President Donald Trump also gave his thoughts on Truth Social.

“I think it’s quite smart and bigly intelligentish for George to give his friend Kitara a shot at being on those committees,” Trump posted. “It reminds me of when I had my great friend David Dennison take over as president. Which reminds me, any charges filed by the Georgia attorney general about 2020 should be filed against David, because he was president then, and not me. Okay byeeeee!”

@jamboschlarmbo Good call #georgesantos #kitararavache #satire #HouseGOP #Republican #politics #politik #political ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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