Gaetz Was ‘Really Hoping’ House Would Decriminalize Weed and Sex Trafficking Minors

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last week, in a historic, but almost entirely party line vote, the House of Representatives passed the “MORE Act,” which if passed by the Senate and signed by President Joe Biden, would signal the end of cannabis prohibition at the federal level. Only two Republicans joined nearly every Democrat in supporting the MORE Act, and one of them was Florida’s own Congressman Matt Gaetz.

As excited as he was to support ending the decades’ long ban on the sale of marijuana in the United States, this weekend in an interview with Mayo Tinted Patriots Media, Gaetz indicated that he does have a few regrets about his vote last week.

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“As excited as I was to participate in this truly historic moment, I do wish a couple things had been different. First, yeah, I wish more of my Republican colleagues had gotten onboard with it,” Gaetz said.  “Then again, I think if the Democrats really wanted to get bipartisan support for this bill, they knew what they needed to do. They needed to add something to it to entice my fellow Republicans.”

According to Gaetz, he heard from several of his fellow Freedom Caucus members that if the MORE Act had contained language that made it legal to take teenagers across state lines, pay them via Venmo for sex, and then bring that back to their homes states, most of them would have gladly voted for it.

“I was just telling the Ghost of Denny Hastert the other day, that I bet if they had made it legal to sex traffic a minor, you’d get near unanimous Republican support for it,” Gaetz mused. “That’s the Democrats for you though — they’ll smile in your face and tell you that they want bipartisanship. Then, they turn around and want to hold you accountable for paying teenagers for sex with Venmo and PayPal. You couldn’t make this stuff up, I don’t think. Wait, could somebody make this whole thing up?”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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