GA Grand Jury Wants to Indict Trump on Charges of Being a Daughter Lusting Sore Loser

A grand jury in Georgia has concluded its work, and according to several sources, is ready to recommend that former, one term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump be indicted and charged with several civil and criminal offenses related to his attempts to steal the state’s Electoral College votes back in 2020.

It might not surprising to see Trump charged with crimes related to his attempts to pressure Republican election officials into changing the certified results of the 2020 election, and one charge the grand jury is set to recommend is indeed quite newsworthy. Local reports are that the grand jury has come to the conclusion that Trump should be referred to prosecutors for “being a daughter lusting sore loser cry baby bitch boy.”

“We understand these are unprecedented charges we are recommending,” a leaked draft of a grand jury charging document reads, “however, we are living in unprecedented times, and there’s never been a single little bitch so bitch-tastic that he can’t handle losing that he foments a violent insurrection and brazenly tries to steal Electoral College votes before, and all that is compounded by the fact that he wants to bang his own daughter. We hope the judge sees this issue the same way we do.”

In a written statement, Rep. George Santos (R-The Lost City of Atlantis) lambasted the grand jury and promised to “take swift action” to defend Trump in all ways possible.

“When I invented the concept of grand juries, and this was even before I gave James Madison the idea for drafting the Constitution, I did not envision the day when they’d be used to so openly and nakedly attempt to hold a rich white man accountable,” Santos wrote. “Clearly, I’m going to have to take time off from patenting my cures for cancer and AIDS so I can focus my time, and take swift action to protect Donald Trump.”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) simply vowed to “never stop blowing” Trump.

“I don’t know what that will or won’t do to help him,” Cruz admitted on Fox News, “but have you seen how mouth-foamy violent Trump supporters get? I need to keep gumming that schpeppy of Don’s until the day I die, and my ugly wife Heidi buries me in a landfill somewhere.”

@jamboschlarmbo Will the #Georgia #grandjury finally cook #Trump and his goose? #politics #political #politik ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This