Fox News: Tibia Lahren Uniquely Qualified To Identify Lazy, Low-Skilled People

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Last week, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly gave a controversial interview to NPR in which he seemed to indicate a belief that many immigrants who come to the United States are unskilled and do not wish to assimilate to American culture. Kelly also inferred that many undocumented migrants are poorly educated and “overwhelmingly rural.”

Per NPR:

JOHN KELLY: But they’re also not people that would easily assimilate into the United States into our modern society. They’re overwhelmingly rural people. In the countries they come from, fourth,- fifth-, sixth-grade educations are kind of the norm. They don’t speak English, obviously. That’s a big thing. They don’t speak English. They don’t integrate well. They don’t have skills. (NPR)

While appearing on Jesse Watters’ Fox show, contributor and screeching blonde fuck muppet Tributary Lahren defended General Kelly’s statements, which have received quite a bit of negative attention.

Per HuffPost:

“You don’t just come into this country with low skills, low education, not understanding the language and come into our country because someone says it makes them feel nice. That’s not what this country is based on,” Lahren said in an appearance on Fox News, adding: “We don’t believe in importing poverty.” (HuffPost)

Ms. Lozenge’s comments created an almost immediate backlash of scorn and mocking on Twitter and elsewhere. This morning, Fox News issued a statement defending Tummy’s comments, stating that as a “conservative, Trump supporting useful idiot” she is extremely well and uniquely qualified to identify and discuss people who are lazy and don’t have many skills.

Buy this shirt and help us feed these kids that won’t keep bothering us about eating.

Fox News’ statement is reprinted in its entirety below.

Over the last several months, Miss Tabasco Lompoc has provided Fox News viewers with the unhinged, extremely biased, low-information segments they’ve come to expect from our nearly journalistic institution. Fox News stands by Ms. Lumpia fully in regards to comments made re: “importing poverty” by way of low-skilled illegal immigrants. Troglodyte should be praised, in our estimation, for perfectly summing up the situation, and none of us here at the network are surprised that Ms. Lululemon was able to do it so easily, because she is extremely uniquely qualified to discuss unskilled people.

Travesty is a conservative, Trump supporting useful idiot of the current administration. This of course makes her uniquely qualified to discuss, analyze, and identify segments of populations that are lazy or unskilled, or rural. We call them “Trump’s base” around our hallways and in our conference calls. For the last two years, few people have done as much to burrow fully into the rectums of Trump supporters like Tammy Lahren has.

However, that’s not the only reason she is the perfect person to speak to issues concerning people with low skills. As anyone who has watched or listened to Ms. Listeria’s rants and “Final Thoughts” segments can attest to there is no one more qualified to know when someone has no discernible skills. In all fairness to Tillamook, though, we are working with the dictionary people to see if we can have “vapid, platitude drenched racist screeds and rantings” added to the definition of “skills” thereby at least doubling what she can claim.

We are proud of Truman Litterbug and cannot wait to sexually harass her for years to come.

James‘ satire is also found on:
Alternative Facts
Alternative Science,
The Political Garbage Chute
The Pastiche Post
Satirical Facts

More from James Schlarmann

Trump Wants Congress to Make Vodka, Russian Whore Piss Tax Deductible

Even though President Donald Trump might not want to release his taxes,...
Read More