Fox News Hires Bill Cosby to Co-Host New Women’s Issues Show With Bill O’Reilly

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Plans are underway for a new show to hit the airwaves on Fox News, and the big news is that a comedy and television icon will be one of the co-hosts.

“Bill & The Other Bill” will be hosted by comedian Bill Cosby and unintentionally funny commentator Bill O’Reilly. The show will focus on “women and womanly things,” according to a press release. Fox News execs are hopeful that pairing the two will bring “excitement and a certain buzz” to the news network. In recent days, the inner-workings of Fox News have come under scrutiny, as another one of their former contributors came forward with sexual harassment allegations against Roger Ailes, their former CEO.

At the same time that the Fox contributor was levying more accusations at Ailes, it’s been revealed that over the years Fox has spent over $13 million settling claims against O’Reilly. At a press conference announcing the new show, Cosby said those settlements might “rattle some” but not the venerable veteran of stage and TV. Cosby says if anything the charges against O’Reilly and Ailes make him feel that Fox News “will be a perfect fit” for him.

“I told my wife CAMILLE,” Cosby explained to reporters, “that with the drugging and the fondling and the, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, raping, I wasn’t sure if anyone would hire me again. But when the fine folks at Fox offered me this job, and I saw I’d get to work with a guy who respects women just as much as I do, I put the pen on the paper and I, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, signed my name on it.”

O’Reilly said that he’s also “totally honored” to be hosting a new show with Cosby. O’Reilly said it’ll be “good to have another one of the good ones to go with Juan Williams.” Reporters asked if O’Reilly meant that Cosby would be taking a counterpoint, liberal position like Mr. Willams often does on the network. O’Reilly laughed.

“I have no idea what Bill’s political views are,” Mr. O’Reilly quipped,”I just meant, you know, they’re alike in other…more, URBAN ways, know what I mean?”

The primary, central theme of “Bill & The Other Bill” will be women’s issues. Both men say they are “uniquely qualified” and have “special positions” on a whole host of topics that pertain to life in America as a female. Cosby said he’s looking forward to “putting the words on the air that show, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” he cares deeply about women and women’s issues.

“In all of America,” O’Reilly said, “have there ever been two men who are more clearly equipped to discuss what women want, even when they clearly don’t want it and need a little, coaxing?”

Both men said they hope to have female guests as often as their “respective restraining orders allow.”

“We of course will want the women’s thoughts on the topics of today,” Cosby said, “and no one will have the interview skills Bill and I have. No one can get women to open up like we can.”

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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