Former Cellmate to Auction George Zimmerman’s Prison Dildo

DYLAN, FLORIDA –Though he’s a free man now, for several months George Zimmerman was in jail while he stood trial for killing Trayvon Martin. One of the men who spent time in the same cell as Zimmerman will auction what he calls a “prison dildo” the two shared.

“I was inspired by seeing George put up the gun he used to kill Trayvon,” Hank Glombozzi told our reporter. Hank says that when he saw the news of Zimmerman’s plans to auction the gun he used to kill the unarmed teen he remembered that he’d managed to sneak the prison dildo out of jail, knowing how many times Zimmerman had asked Hank to “plunge that dildo so deep it touched where a normal person’s soul would be.”

The prison dildo, fashioned out bundled up sporks wrapped and tied together with bathroom wash rags, will be auctioned off in June by the Hamm-Fister Auction House in Florida. Glombozzi said he will also have the used butter packets Zimmerman would use for lube with the prison dildo.

“George really loved this thing,” Glombozzi said, “he was kinda teary-eyed the day he was acquitted and they released him from here. He asked if he could come back and have conjugal visits with it, but they told him he’d have to leave Doey, that was his nickname for it, here. So I made sure to hide it in my butt and sneak it out of here when they released me a few weeks later.”

When asked, Glombozzi said he “doesn’t care one bit” that selling the dildo might embarrass or upset Zimmerman.

“It’s not like he has a documented history of violence before, during, and after the time he killed Trayvon,” Glombozzi said, “so I think I’m fine. But then again, he killed a kid for no good reason and bragged about it and is now selling the murder weapon without any regard for Martin’s family’s feelings. He’s not even doing it in a private, unpublicized way. So I guess, kinda, fuck George Zimmerman. Oh, that’s ironic, huh?”

Zimmerman was acquitted of the killing of Martin in 2013, and has had several high-profile violent confrontations, and has even been arrested again.