Mother Earth Files Harassment, Eviction Suit Against Humanity

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The effects of climate change can be seen all over the country and, thanks to a new, groundbreaking lawsuit, that includes in our courtrooms.

Attorneys for Mother Nature have filed a suit in Federal court against the entirety of humanity, citing recent studies released by leading climate scientists pegging 2014 as the hottest year in recorded history. Nature’s lawyers contend in the suit that the constant, non-stop willful ignorance to the clear and obvious body language she conveys to humans that they are really making her and her non-human tenants very upset. As part of the suit, Mother Nature is asking the courts to also give her permission to evict the human race before it wipes out every creature living on Earth alongside it.

The suit alleges that 2014 being the hottest year on record is just the latest in a slew of clear and obvious hints that Mother Nature has been growing uneasy with the arrangement for living space she has with humanity. The suit points to a recent study conducted in Norway that shows climate changes combined with the extinction rate of certain animals as evidence of Mother Nature’s efforts to get humans to play nicely with her other tenants.

“The fact is that our client would love to host humanity for as long as humanity would like to be here,” Murray Samuels, attorney for Mother Nature said at a press conference outside the courthouse. “But it appears that humanity, or at least an alarmingly loud, willfully ignorant contingent of them, seems more content to depleting every resource Mother Nature has provided and in as destructive a way possible,” Samuels continued, “to the rest of the creatures who are also in lease agreements with Mother Nature.”


James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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