Facebook Libertarian: Obama’s SOTU Divided Us All By Bringing Up Things I Personally Don’t Like

GRANT, CONNECTICUT — On his right-wing libertarian Facebook page, Biased America, Ryan Kevin critiqued President Barack Obama’s eighth and final State of the Union address as being “highly divisive” and “anti-conservative.”

“Obama started off the State of the Union by saying we need to bring America together,” Kevin said in a Facebook status update posted just after the State of the Union Concluded, continuing, “Then he recited a list of divisive issues that he supports like immigration, gun control, equal pay for women, government-mandated paid leave, and raising the minimum wage.” Kevin says that by bringing up issues that the majority of Americans, but “not every single, solitary American” agrees with, he was “being the Divider In Chief again.”

Incensed by the speech, Kevin demanded to know, “What, does he think that just because the majority of Americans agree with his general position on all of these issue that he can speak to them without being overtly divisive? Does he not realize I personally don’t like these things for a myriad of reasons mostly related to the fact that I’m scared about not being control?” In the comments section of the post, most of Kevin’s followers agreed with him, calling Obama a “lazy, unenergetic leader who is also a totally powerful tyrant,” as one commenter put it.

“He keeps dividing us by talking about things that at least 51% of us agree with,” Kevin’s screed insisted, “but what about the other 49% of us?” His post later asked, “Are we supposed to just disagree and come up with good counterarguments that might sway some people to our way of thinking? Or is it just better to blame it all on Obama and the people who voted for him which is different from when we feel we are generalized about because freedom or something?”

According to Kevin, every “good American patriot” should be able to “see [Obama]’s dividing us into two camps.” The two camps, according to Mr. Kevin are “those that agree with Obummer” and “those — like [him] — that are absolutely, 100% correct and infallible.”

“He should know by know that conservative ideas, or at least progressive ideas spoken about by a conservative,” Kevin said, “are the only true beliefs and everything else is socialist propaganda from the intelligentsia.” In the final sentence of his post, Mr. Kevin says succinctly, “Obama divided us all by bringing up things I personally don’t like.”

We reached out to Kevin and asked if he thinks that libertarian or conservative politicians should only advance and talk about issues that 100% of the country’s populace agrees with them on. Kevin scoffed. “Shyeah, right,” he said, “except that right-wing ideas are right, and I have a ton of cherry picked graphs to show you that.”

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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