Woman’s Eyebrows Relieved to Be Second Least Believable Thing In The Room With President Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Recently, President Donald Trump made an impassioned speech at the White House and decried the Affordable Care Act, Obamacare as it’s commonly known. The Trump administration picked a few families that they call “victims” of Obamacare, and one of those victims made quite a splash on social media.

This woman was seen behind Trump during the speech, and while her identity still is not known, her eyebrows most certainly are.

Browsy Magillicuddy became famous in the span of a single Donald Trump speech.

After reaching out the Trump administration and not getting a response, we were able to track down the eyebrows — whose name is Browsy Magillicuddy — and ask her several questions. Browsy told us that she had no idea she’d be “thrust into the spotlight like this,” but that she does have some thoughts on President Trump, which she was glad to share with us. Magillicuddy told us that regardless of whether the woman whose face she rests on supports Obamacare, she does.

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Trump’s speech that featured Browsy was meant to highlight the “failures” of Obamacare. For years, the American right-wing has criticized the landmark healthcare law, saying it’s a “jobs killer” and that it doesn’t provide the affordable care in the title of the law’s name. Many have pointed out, however, that what became the Affordable Care Act was a product of the Heritage Foundation think tank, which is a conservative organization.

“For me, I could see how the ACA needs improvement,” Browsy said, “Just like it’s obvious that whoever my host goes to for her eyebrow treatments needs a little improvement, know what I mean?”

“For all I know, having fucked-up eyebrows is a pre-existing condition under Trumpcare,” Browsy told us, “and if that’s the case, I don’t want my host getting sick and dying because of me. Sure, there are problems with Obamacare, but why are we throwing the baby out with the bathwater? Also, why didn’t my host have someone in the White House’s hair and makeup team give her a once over?”

It’s unclear whether the president’s speech had any impact on the final vote in the Senate. Despite his public criticism, coaxing, and cajoling of Senate Republicans, John McCain of Arizona stood with Lisa Murkowski of Alaski and Susan Collins of Maine to team with the Democrats and torpedo the “skinny repeal” option. In the days since this stinging rebuke, Trump has been on a Twitter rampage, tweeting more than half a dozen times about the failed vote.

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“I didn’t know if the speech was the problem or the guy giving it,” Browsy said, “because I gotta tell you, after being just a foot or two away from the guy, he’s not very good at selling people on stuff. I get the feeling that he has pretty much relied on his name his whole life and that most people see right through him after about ten minutes with him.”

Browsy said they feel like Trump has a credibility issue.

“All I’m saying is that it’s saying something when I’m not the least believable thing in the room,” Browsy said, “and look at me. Literally no one who looks at me will think I’m an actual, real-life pair of eyebrows. But compare that to Trump. No one in their right mind would look at him and think he’s an actual, real-life president.”

The White House did not comment on this story.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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