NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The president’s second son had to be let down gently this morning by his wife, children, and dogs. All of Eric’s family had to gather in their living room to break some tough news to the man almost smart enough to be considered the fifth dumbest member of the Trump family.
“Honey, I’m sorry to break this to you, but, that wasn’t Santa’s sleigh last night,” Trump’s wife Lara told him. “I know you were very excited when we saw the news last night, and that excitement made you go revise your Santa list before emailing it to the North Pole. But honey, it just wasn’t Santa’s sleigh.”
Last night, Elon Musk’s SpaceX — a private industry aerospace company — launched one of their Falcon 9 rockets into space, carrying satellites. The rocket, launched from Vandenburg Air Base in Southern California, set the state, and eventually, the country abuzz. The way the rocket flew through the air, coupled with the announcement earlier this week of the Pentagon’s secret program to investigate UFOs, had many speculating whether it was a new type of extraterrestrial craft, but Eric Trump believed in his heart of hearts that it was Santa’s sleigh, making a test run for Sunday night.
Footage of the SpaceX flight, below, courtesy CBS News in Los Angeles:
“No! I saw him! I saw Santa! Just like Diddums saw all those Muslins dancing in New Jersey on 9/11! Just like Diddums saw all those trillions of illegal Mexicans voting for Crooked Hillary in California,” Eric protested.
With tears streaming down his face, Eric refused to believe that he hadn’t seen Santa’s sleigh. Lara tried everything she could think of the calm him. Nothing worked.
“I won’t believe it wasn’t Santa! And you can’t make me! Diddums said I can believe whatever I want and the FAKE NEWS media can’t force me to believe anything, no matter how much evidence or whatever they show me,” Eric screamed at his wife.
After a two-hour tantrum, finally Eric had run out of steam, and he asked Lara for a cup of chocolate milk and some screen time. Lara gave Eric the iPad and he watched YouTube videos of cats and people playing with toys. Eventually, he calmed down enough to be given a heavy tranquilizer and put into a cryogenic sleep, where the Trump administration is hopeful he will stay until a cure for stupid can be found.
This story is developing.