Man Who Helped His Father Steal From Cancer Kids Lectures Democrats on Morality

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — During a recent appearance on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show, Eric Trump —  the son of the President of the United States — seemed to imply that people in the Democratic Party, which make up a substantial portion of the American populace, aren’t really people. Eric also lamented the loss of “morality” in America. Previously that day, word broke that the Donald Trump Foundation worked with the Eric Trump Foundation to move money donated to help children fight cancer into its own coffers.

A tweet with a clip of Eric speaking to Hannity, who had miraculously had his head removed from Eric’s father’s rectum just moments before the show, is below:

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Per reports in Forbes:

Additionally, the Donald J. Trump Foundation, which has come under previous scrutiny for self-dealing and advancing the interests of its namesake rather than those of charity, apparently used the Eric Trump Foundation to funnel $100,000 in donations into revenue for the Trump Organization.

 And while donors to the Eric Trump Foundation were told their money was going to help sick kids, more than $500,000 was re-donated to other charities, many of which were connected to Trump family members or interests, including at least four groups that subsequently paid to hold golf tournaments at Trump courses. (source)

On Hannity’s show, Eric lamented the harsh treatment his father — who publicly harassed the first black president about his birth country for nearly a decade — has been receiving from Democrats and the media.

“I’ve never seen hatred like this,” the man whose father once told people attending his rallies that he’d pay for their legal fees if they assaulted protesters told Hannity, “to me they’re not even people.”

Some Trump supporters might have been confused by Eric’s words as usually it’s only Muslims, Mexicans, and other dark-skinned variety of immigrants that he, his father, and his brother Donald Junior imply aren’t human beings. However, in this case there is no doubt that Eric was referring in fact to Democrats. Hannity didn’t ask Trump if he or his father believe that Democrats are Americans too, or if his father believes he has a duty to be their president as well.

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“I mean, it’s just so, so sad. I mean, morality is gone,” Eric, whose father was famously caught on tape telling Billy Bush about his methodology for grabbing women by their vagina, told Hannity, “um, morals have flown out the window.”

After the show was broadcast, reporters caught up with Eric and asked him some questions about the Forbes story. Eric at first tried to pretend like he didn’t see the reporters, putting a handkerchief up over his face. Soon, though, it became apparent the press was not going away, and Eric attempted to give some explanations for his and his father’s apparent charity grift.

“It’s not a con,” Trump insisted, “it’s just a situation where we tell donors one thing and then, maybe, something else happens, okay? Back off, you non-human mongrels! All I’m saying is that we tell people all the money goes to cancer kids, and then we maybe skim a little off the top. Just a little.”

As he sputtered and stammered looking for the just the right excuse for his and his father’s behavior, Eric finally gave up and spat out a reasoning that while true, may not actually take the heat off the Trump family any time soon.

“They’re all prolly gonna be dead soon anyway,” Eric Trump said, running away, his hands flailing at his sides.

This is a developing story.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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