PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA — After dancing around multiple inquiries into Tesla’s “Auto Pilot” program and the number of accidents, both fatal and non-fatal, CEO Elon Musk divulged to shareholders and employees the technology surrounding the controversial feature.
“The time for semi-autonomous vehicles and self-repairing vehicles is long overdue,” Musk said.
“We at Tesla have been working on technology that makes these features safer, while at the same time, maintaining cost control over these devices. In order for us to keep the cars cheap, we’ve been using Operating System “Christine” on all vehicles. While only once available in a limited amount of Plymouth Fury’s in the late 1970’s, we’ve been able to harness the true essence of the programming that made “Christine” so popular.”
We’ve reached out to the original engineers, however, everyone that worked on the “Christine” operating system died under suspicious circumstances years ago. However, we were able to uncover a photograph of the prototype vehicle with the original and 2nd owner.
Tesla Motors has been under heavy scrutiny recently due to multiple production issues as well as programming issues when the car is running on Auto Pilot.
A Tesla worker, speaking on the condition of anonymity, has stated that the early Christine operating system has been used primarily for self-repair, but a bug in the Auto Pilot programming code not only has the car maneuvering on its own, causing non-life threatening accidents, but has morphed into something much worse.
“We’re all sitting here trying to figure out what happened. Its almost like the cars themselves are possessed. We’ve gone through every line of code, we’ve reviewed original film and still, we have no idea why the car is just flat out killing people…I mean, accidentally crashing….this isn’t on the record, right?”