Eagles Will Join Obama For Backyard BBQ

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA — President Donald Trump has officially disinvited the Philadelphia Eagles football team from a visit to the White House, and the team has accepted an offer to be hosted by a different, more popular president, instead.

It has been a tradition dating back to Jimmy Carter’s final year in office when he hosted both the Pittsburgh Steelers and Pirates for champions in professional sports to visit the president in the nation’s capital. Championship teams from the NFL, Major League Baseball, and NHL have all visited presidents for a photo opp and meet and greet. Over the last few years, there have been some players who have decided for personal reasons to not attend. Some players like Trump supporter Tom Brady skipped meeting with President Obama.

This year, word was that some players on the Super Bowl champion Eagles would not be attending, which apparently unnerved the most powerful man in the free world greatly.

Taking to Twitter, Trump explained that “only a small number of players decided to come” and he attacked players for “staying the Locker Room” during the national anthem. One Eagles player, wide receiver Torrey Smith, said that Trump’s tweets contained “so many lies” and insisted no player on the team knelt during the anthem before games last year. Players began kneeling two years ago when former 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick chose to use the anthem as a moment to protest police brutality in the black community, a move that has angered conservatives ever since.

RELATED: We Interviewed The American Flag And Got Its Feelings On Colin Kaepernick

A few hours after Trump’s Twitter tirade had died down, the Eagles announced that the entire team had been invited by former President Barack Obama (D-Kenya) to his house in the nation’s capital to celebrate their victory in last year’s big game.

“We’re going to take President Obama up on his offer and attend his backyard barbecue,” the Eagles front office announced in a written statement. “Some of our staff and players would have enjoyed a White House visit, but we’ll somehow find a way to dry our tears as we party with a much more popular president.”

The Eagles’ statement indicates that in the end, attending a party thrown by Mr. Obama is what the majority of the team would have wanted anyway.

“The Philadelphia Eagles prefer presidents who won popular votes, and not contests decided on narrow technicalities invented 240 years ago as a way to keep control of the government out of the hands of the people who have a Constitutional right to form their own government,” the Eagles’ statement reads.

In a perhaps unrelated development, the president’s unsecured Blackberry was seen hurtling out of the White House and landing on the east lawn with a thud. Shouts and screams muffled by KFC and Diet Coke being shoved down a gullet could be heard from deep within.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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