“Donald Trump’s 2017 New Year’s Resolutions”

As 2016 winds to a close, and we brace ourselves for losing approximately 200,000 more beloved members of society in its waning hours, it’s time to also start looking toward the future; toward the horizon. Some of us like to set new goals for ourselves at the start of every new year, and we call those goals “New Year’s Resolutions.” Even orange faced, ill-informed, self-aggrandizing huckster carnival barkers-elect probably like to have goals for themselves too!

So what kinds of things made Donald Trump’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2017? He’s going to be the most powerful man in the free world in just a matter of weeks, days almost. So does that impact his decisions when making his resolutions?

Our crack research staff here at The Political Garbage Chute put in some long, hard hours and they helped compile the following segment. We hope you enjoy it. Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s to 2017 being every bit the bright, shining star of warmth and hope for humanity that 2016 was, eh?


Watch “Donald Trump’s 2017 New Year’s Resolutions” below.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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