Finally, after almost two years of waiting, it happened. His wishes came true. The truth came out. He has been vindicated. Donald Trump is once more president.
Of the Mar-A-Lago Buffet Line.
Admittedly, it’s not the presidency he wanted. It’s not the presidency that everyone from Mark Meadows to the MyPillowCrackHead promised him he’d get. It’s not even the presidency Vlad Putin gave him. Still, it’s the presidency he got, and people close to him are saying that deep down he knows it’s the only presidency he’s truly qualified to have.
Some might be surprised to find out that there was a time over the course of the past couple of years that Donald Trump wasn’t the President of the Mar-A-Lago Buffet Line. However, 2020 was truly a bad year for elections if you were Donald Trump. He lost the White House to Joe Biden, and in a particularly stinging defeat, guests and staff at Mar-A-Lago also elected Biden as president of the buffet line. At least that’s what the mainstream media wanted everyone to believe.
Trump, knew otherwise. In his Big Mac laden heart, he knew the truth. He had been robbed of both presidencies. Maybe the so-called courts and so-called Constitution wouldn’t let him go for a third, or even fourth impeachment in his second term in D.C., but those bastards would not keep from being president of his own goddamned buffet line!
So he fought. He fought hard. He enlisted Sidney Powell, the rat-faced scarecrow, and Rudy “Tooty” Giuliani.
They filed several lawsuits in several courts, all of which were laughed right out by the judges who told him it was his resort, and he could be president of anything on its grounds that he wanted to be president of. Still, some things simply take a lot of time to work out. This was one of them.
This morning, as he made his way down to the breakfast buffet for his third breakfast of the day, Trump grabbed some pussies ceremoniously, and then issued his first presidential decree in almost two years.
“I hereby decree — and this is a bigly one guys, so pay attention — that I get to come around to each one of your tables and select one item, from YOUR plate, and I will eat that item. Right there, in front of you, because I’m the president. Of this buffet line,” Trump shouted. “Now, fetch me my First Lady, and you tell Ivanka I mean NOW. NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.