Can Donald Trump Legally Hire Al Capone’s Lawyer to Defend Him?

Most former presidents metaphorically ride off into the sunset and spend the rest of their lives devoted to one pet cause or another. Jimmy Carter has become one of the most famous former commanders in chief in that regard, founding and operating Habitat for Humanity for decades.

Former President Don Trump, however, doesn’t seem to be angling for a quiet life in Florida, grabbing pussy and lusting after his daughter in private. Instead, Trump has seemed keen to re-enter the political arena and go for a nearly unheard of third popular vote loss in 2024. In order to even have the chance to run again, though, Trump will have to survive the criminal investigation being conducted by the State of New York into his family business’s alleged tax avoidance scheme.

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This week, New York’s Attorney General announced that her office has evidence that Trump and his children concocted and participated in a scheme to use both inflated and artificially low real estate valuations to avoid taxation. The attorney general is also looking to secure testimony from Trump and the two of his adult children who have not yet testified. Eric Trump has given testimony, but AG James reported he took the fifth more than 500 times.

One strategy Trump has reportedly looked into is whether or not he can hire the same lawyers who represented his hero and role model, Al Capone. We reached out to two legal scholars, and here’s what they said about that plan.

Susan Boboozin, Constitutional Scholar at Northsouth Westeastern Idaho University:

“Constitutionally speaking, I don’t think there’d be anything wrong with it. I’m not admitted to practice in New York, though, so I’m not sure. However, I’m pretty sure that in order to represent someone, you need to be alive. Although, thinking about it now, maybe there’s an exception to that rule if your client is also brain dead.”

Larry Scalavicci, Law Professor at Trump University:

“Mind you, I never actually read the Constitution, or picked up a law book. In fact, in order to get your degree in law from Trump University, all you have to do is write an essay about how big his hands are, and how hot Ivanka is. That being said, of course he can do whatever he wants. Republicans voted for him, and only Republicans are Americans.” 

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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