DNC Releases Memo on Hillary Clinton’s Letterhead Denying Any Improrpriety

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, the Democratic National Committee attempted to quell some of the anger and outrage from some members of its party — both rank and file and elected politicians — over a bombshell revelation from former DNC Chairperson Donna Brazile that the Hillary Clinton campaign essentially took over its fundamental operations from the outset of the 2016 Democratic primaries.

In an excerpt from Brazile’s forthcoming book that was released by the book’s publisher this week, it’s revealed that denials to the contrary, the DNC essentially “rigged” their primary to help Ms. Clinton secure its nomination. Brazile recounts the story of her promise to Bernie Sanders, Clinton’s rival in the primary, to get to the bottom of whether or not the Clinton campaign colluded with the DNC to help tilt the playing field in her direction. Though there are no allegations of vote tampering, the excerpt reveals that in an effort to get out of the extraordinarily high debt the party had, it agreed to let Clinton effectively run its operations.

In an effort to settle down the fervor over this revelation, the DNC released a statement on Ms. Clinton’s personal letterhead, denying any impropriety during the primaries.

A transcript of the letter follows:

The Democratic National Committee has read an excerpt from Ms. Donna Brazile’s upcoming book, and we would like to address the very serious allegations made within the excerpt.

In no way, shape or form, did the fact that Hillary Clinton was essentially controlling the Democratic Party mean that the Democratic Party wasn’t engaged in a fully free and fair primary during the 2016 election season. Rather, we were just doing our best to ensure that the candidate everyone wanted, no matter what they said or felt they wanted, was nominated. You see, we knew better than the people what the people wanted, so we just felt like it was a good idea to help the process along.

Sure, we know Ms. Clinton is extremely qualified, and that we could have made a better effort to sell the country on those qualifications instead of just assuming she SHOULD win and doing everything in our power to force that result. But you know… stuff. And things. Such.

Anyway, we still want your money. So, uh,. Our bad, guys. But we didn’t do anything wrong, just FYI.

Ms. Brazile and Ms. Clinton were not available for comment.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
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