Disney Exec: Company Has Years of Meaningful Experience Dealing With Grumpy Dwarfs

During an investor conference call last week, Disney executives were confident that their company will prevail against Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

Mr. DeSantis aggressively targeted Disney, who happens to be his state’s largest single site employer, because they publicly disagreed with his “Don’t Say Gay” law last year. The law was meant to stifle conversations in and around LGTBQ issues in Florida’s public schools. DeSantis punished Disney by attempting to dissolve the Reedy Creek Development Board, which Disney used to maintain the infrastructure needed to support Walt Disney World. However, last minute maneuvering by the outgoing board stymied the newly appointed one full of DeSantis’s handpicked members.

RELATED: DeSantis Signs Law Giving Parental Rights to Rapists Six Weeks After Rape

Last week, Disney filed a lawsuit against the DeSantis administration for violating their First Amendment Rights. The lawsuit even uses DeSantis’ and his team’s own words as evidence that they are being politically and unfairly targeted. During last week’s conference call, it was revealed that lawsuit is part of a broad legal strategy, and we spoke to Gary Glendale , a Disney junior level executive today, about Disney’s lawsuit. He told us why the company’s lawyers feel they’ll easily prevail.

“The simple truth is that we have almost 80 years of experience dealing with grumpy dwarfs,” Glendale told us. “We think that’s going to pay off quite well for us. The thing about grumpy dwarfs is that they’re really grumpy until you give them what you want. Sometimes they want love and understanding, and other times they want white go-go boots and a Bible that only has white people in it.”

Mr. Glendale said that through either their lawsuits or regular negotiations with DeSantis, Disney will resolve this dispute one or another.

“The bottom line here is that over the past several decades, Disney has gotten quite good at handling grumpy dwarfs, but we’re also top in our class at cleaning garbage out of our parks,” Glendale explained. “So we think we’ve got this issue figured out from multiple angles.”

RELATED: DeSantis Orders Disney World to Immediately Reverse “Splash Mountain” Update


That Disney exec probably knows what he’s talking about. DeSantis RonDeSantis satire Florida DisneyWorld ReedyCreek

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Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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