5 Key Differences Between Michael Jackson and Matt Walsh

Matt Walsh is a commentator and host on The Daily Wire. He’s also extremely obsessed with genitals.  Walsh is so laser-focused on protecting the world from the sinister transgender agenda of “living life free from bullying and legal discrimination,” that all he really thinks about is genitals. However, as much as he seems to care about adult genitals, it’s kiddie junk that he’s most obsessed with.

On any given day, a full 80% of what Walsh talks about or publicly comments on revolves around the genitals of children he is not the father to. One might think that Matt’s obsession with kids’ crotches means he has a lot in common with the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, and on paper, sure that seems to be an apt comparison. After all, both men could be said to be hyper-focused on the youth genitals.

But to a trained eye, there are five key differences between Matt Walsh and Michael Jackson, and it’s in the public interest for me to list those differences now.

  1. Michael Jackson Wrote “Thriller,” Matt Walsh Thinks It’s Thrilling When 16 Year Old Girls Get Knocked Up – Every Halloween, people still blast “Thriller” and do the dance. Matt, however, spends his Halloweens telling 16 year old trick or treating girls that they should be allowed to make babies with 35 year old men.
  2. Michael Jackson Had a Cult of Personality, Matt Walsh is in a Cult and Has No Personality – Believe it or not, there is a difference between being a cult leader and being in a cult. MJ’s cult leader status means to this day some people look the other way on his whole pedophile schtick. Whereas Matt being in a cult means he justifies being obsessed with kids’ genitals because “God.” To be fair, if “Christofascist Nerd Bully” is a personality type, Matt’s got one of those.
  3. MJ Had a Skin Condition That Turned It “White,” MW is a White Nationalist – Michael Jackson was maybe one of the most famous people ever to have the genetic condition known as vitiligo, which ultimately led to much of the pigment leaving his skin. Matt Walsh is a nationalist and doesn’t need a skin condition to be pale as the wind driven snow.
  4. MJ Married Multiple Women to Hide His True Self, MW So Far Only Has One Beard That’s Not On His Face – Am I saying Matt Walsh is a member of the LGTBQ+ community in secret while publicly bullying, harassing, and trying to strip them of their basic dignity. Well, yeah, I guess I am, because that fuck really doth protest too much.
  5. MJ is Dead, and MW Hasn’t Done The World That Favor Yet – “Oh no, James! You just wished death on Matt Walsh!” Correction: No, I just said it would be a net gain for humanity if a fascist died.

Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments.


Bet you didn’t know this about #michaeljackson or #mattwalsh #satire #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #politics #politik #political

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

Follow James: PostTikTokTwitterInstagramFacebook

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This