Diarrhea Spewing Fire Hose Sees No Problems With Trump’s Hate Tweets

HARP BOW, TENNESSEE — A hose in the middle of Tennessee’s Bedford Forest has been spewing hot, foamy diarrhea and racist headlines from Breitbart for over five years. Affectionately known to the locals as Hosey McHoserson, estimates put the amount of toxic human waste and incendiary, untrue headlines put out by him in the millions of metric tonnes. In an interview with a local paper, Hosey spoke on a variety of topics, one of which being temporary President Donald Trump’s recent attacks on two hosts of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” program.

Mr. Trump made waves when he attacked Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough earlier this week. In a barrage of angry tweets, Trump insulted both hosts and even went so far as to say that he turned them away and that Brzezinski’s face was bleeding from recent plastic surgery. Brzezinski has denied that claim and even furnished photos of her face from around the same time that show she clearly was not recovering from plastic surgery.

On Saturday morning, Trump tweeted yet another attack on Ms. Brzezinski, calling her “dumb as a rock.”

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“You know, I just don’t think what Trump’s doing is that big a deal,” Hosey told the hosts of Totes and Completely Biaseda right-wing blog and Facebook page with a podcast that won the 2016 Lee Atwater Award for Mendacity in Media, “because we all can remember when past presidents did these things, right?”

Hosey said he recalled when President Jimmy Carter sent an official memo on White House stationery calling Ronald Reagan a “daft cunt.”

“And of course we all remember the often forgotten final paragraph of the Emancipation Proclamation,” Hosey said, “wherein Lincoln said that Jeff Davis’ wife was a disgusting pig whore married to a bigly loser, right?”

Mr. McHoserson, a Trump supporter, has noticed what he thinks might be a pattern to when Trump will lash out on Twitter. He’s not sure if his observation “means anything,” but he told the show’s hosts about his theory all the same.

“It is kinda funky that every time some new story comes out that seems to deepen and strengthen ties between people in his administration and Russia that he starts rage tweeting,” McHoserson said, “like when that Wall Street Journal article about the GOP operative trying to get access to Hillary’s emails and whatnot, but hey, maybe that’s nothing, am I right?”

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Ultimately, McHoserson says he thinks the “fake libtard media” is overreacting to Trump’s mean-spirited and angry tweets. He doesn’t think the tweets “do anything to take the presidency down a peg,” though he admits that he might not be that reliable a source of analysis, given what he does for a living.

“At the end of the day, as someone who literally spews shit and lies all day, it doesn’t seem like what Trump’s doing is going to be that bad,” McHoserson said, “though I guess i’m anything but unbiased on this subject, aren’t I?”

The White House did not comment on McHoserson’s interview.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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