A Quick Reference Guide to the Senate Republicans’ Formerly Secret Healthcare Plan

After weeks of writing it behind closed doors, making every effort to keep its details shielded from the press and Democrats, Senate Republicans this morning released details of their highly-anticipated Obamacare replacement bill. Most news outlets have already covered that the proposal would dramatically slash Medicare spending and give a dramatic tax cut to the wealthy. We’ll have a more in-depth analysis of the finer details once our team of highly untrained comedians wakes up, sobers up, smokes a joint to clear their heads, and then asks people way smarter than them for an analysis of the proposed changes.

Until that time, here are some more broad highlights from the Senate Republicans’ healthcare plan. The full text of the bill is provided by President Donald Trump’s favorite news outlet, CNN, here.

The GOP Plan for Medicare funding:

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The GOP Plan for  Insurance Premium Prices:

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The GOP Plan For Medical Expense Related Bankruptcies:

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The GOP Plan for 24 Million People Already Covered Under Obamacare:

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RELATED: Paul Ryan Resorts to Smacking Medications Out of Poor People’s Mouths

The GOP Plan for Rising Costs of Prescription Medicines:

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The GOP Plan for Women Who Rely on Planned Parenthood for Low-Cost, Non-Abortion Related Healthcare:

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The GOP Plan for the Poors, in General:


RELATED: Paul Ryan Celebrates Obamacare Repeal By Ripping Chemotherapy IV Out of Pediatric Cancer Patients’ Arms

The GOP Plan for the Middle Class:


The GOP Plan for Younger Americans:

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The GOP Plan for Middle-Aged Americans:


The GOP Plan for Seniors:


RELATED: Trump’s Obamacare Replacement Will Be Ready When His New Magic Markers Arrive

The GOP Plan for The Wealthy:

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The GOP Plan for Themselves:

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The GOP’s Reaction to Their Plan:


And finally, initial cost estimates of the GOP Plan:

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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