DeSantis Slams NYC’s Lack of Meth-Fueled Nazis Harassing School Teachers

“…there’s a governor in this country who understands and appreciates the value of Jesus Freak neo-Nazis bullying and intimidating people.” – Gov. Ron DeSantis

Ron DeSantis is the Governor of Florida. Despite the fact that his job duties take place in his own state, Mr. DeSantis has been touring the country to highlight himself and his accomplishments, though he’s totally not going to run for president next year, wink-wink.

One of the stops on DeSantis’ tour took him to New York City yesterday. DeSantis has been feuding openly with Eric Adams, Manhattan’s mayor. The two have traded barbs back and forth, and despite Florida having a much higher violent crime and murder rate, DeSantis has been attacking New York City, attempting to paint it as a crime-ridden hell hole thanks in large part to Democrats like Adams being in control for so long.

Today, as DeSantis was watching clips of himself on TV while masturbating, he stopped self-pleasuring for a moment and took another pot shot at The Big Apple.

“You know what I noticed while I was in New York City? And I think this really gets to the heart of why Florida is better than New York any day of the week,” DeSantis said. “There is a distinct and noticeable lack of meth-addicted Nazis in their streets, and I saw even fewer of them harassing school teachers or librarians.”

DeSantis farted. His staff applauded.

“And that doesn’t look very much like Freedom Land to me. Does it look like Freedom Land to you,” DeSantis asked rhetorically. “Cuz America is ‘posed to be Freedom Land, and when I don’t see a bunch of meth head Nazis stalking LGTBQ’s or whatever, I know I’m not living in Freedom Land. All I’m asking you to remember, sometime next year maybe, is that there’s a governor in this country who understands and appreciates the value of Jesus Freak neo-Nazis bullying and intimidating people.”

@jamboschlarmbo Why #DeSantis thinks he’s got room to talk ish is beyond me. But this #satire is all about it. #politics #politik #florida #floriduh #nyc ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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