DeSantis Demands Disney World Close ‘It’s a Small World’ Because It Promotes Woke Globalism

“…the only black automatons we tolerate are Candice Owens and Ben Carson.” – Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL)

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) sent an angry email to Mickey Mouse this morning, demanding that Walt Disney World “immediately and permanently close” the attraction known as “It’s a Small World.” DeSantis blasted the ride that first debuted at a world’s fair in the 1950’s as “woke globalist propaganda.”

“I told you when we did our small government communist takeover of Reedy Creek  that we had seized the means of Disney’s production,” DeSantis told reporters during a press event this morning, “and I told you it meant that I thought we could leverage our position to bring Disney’s woke tyranny to an end. Well, today I fired the first salvo in that effort.”

DeSantis criticized the ride for attempting to show park guests the interconnectivity of all people. Now, the governor is insisting that Disney close the attraction and re-open it solely focused on the United States, but that’s not all. DeSantis wants the ride to only tell the story of white, Christian Americans.

“I gotta tell you, nothing triggers me more than when I get on that boat in my shiny new white go-go boots, and then I’m bombarded for ten straight minutes with all these non-white animatronic kids,” DeSantis explained. “If it hurts MY feelings to see it, I can only imagine what the kids in this state think. And we all know the only black automatons we tolerate are Candice Owens and Ben Carson.”

Gov. DeSantis suggested Disney World rename the ride “We Have Small Brains, After All,” because white nationalist Christians will know it refers to them, and it will give them a “feeling almost as warm as the burning crosses on their lawns.” DeSantis gave Disney World six weeks to respond to his demands.

“If by that point Disney World has not closed down their cultural Marxism propaganda ride,” DeSantis warned, “I will re-direct some of my Florida State Student Athlete Genital Monitor resources to shut it down by force. Mark my words, I will do a free market oriented take over that private company’s business if they don’t promote my brand of religious extremism. Count on it.”

@jamboschlarmbo Another shot fired in #DeSantis vs #Disney Who will win? #satire #lgtbq🏳️‍🌈 #dontsaygay #politics #politik ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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