DeSantis Warns Disney That Donald Duck ‘Better Put Some Pants On’ Around Younger Park Guests

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) is not going to stop his feud with The Walt Disney Company any time soon. At least, that appears to be the case as the governor just fired another warning shot across the Magic Kingdom’s bow.

Speaking at a press conference held in front of a burning cross, DeSantis blasted what he called the “hyper-woke politics” of Disney, who has vowed to help repeal Florida’s new “Don’t Say Gay” law. Then, he issued a very stern warning to the House the Mouse Built.

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“And let me just say this right here, right now. We don’t like groomers in this state, unless their last name is Gaetz or they happen to be a priest,” DeSantis said, wagging his finger. “So, here’s a warning to you, Disney. You put pants on that damn duck of yours when he’s around Florida’s kids, or there will be hell to pay, Disney. DO YOU HEAR ME?! HELL TO PAY!”

DeSantis promised to use the “might and power” of his “small, limited government” to “smash Disney into a thousand pieces.”

“You will rue the day, Disney, that you, a private corporate entity, dared to state a political opinion that ran counter to me. That SHOULD be illegal, but apparently some cucks who wrote the Constitution didn’t agree with me on that one. Whatever,” DeSantis said. “Just know this, if I show up at your parks, and that duck isn’t wearing pantaloons of some fashion, HELL. TO. PAY.”

DeSantis declined to comment on a story that broke yesterday indicating that Disney’s new animated film will have a genital-obsessed villain in it named “Ron DeFlorida.” It’s widely speculated that DeSantis is the inspiration for the character, but he chose not to comment on that report during this morning’s press conference.

The Walt Disney Company did not provide a comment on this story.


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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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