DeSantis Bans Talking About Super Bowl LVII Halftime Show in the Classroom

Singer Rihanna was the marquee star of yesterday’s Super Bowl LVII halftime show. During her performance, Rihanna sang a handful of her most popular songs, and also used the opportunity to announce she’s pregnant. Many fans of hip-hop and R&B took to social media to praise the show, but not every viewer liked it.

Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) in particular didn’t like Rihanna’s performance, so this morning he banned it from being shown or discussed in Florida classrooms.

“I watched the halftime show last night. I was disgusted, as I believe most of my fellow pigment-free Floridian friends were, by what I saw and heard,” DeSantis said as he issued his proclamation. “It wasn’t remotely family friendly, and everyone knows Florida is about being family friendly. Which is why Matt Gaetz is so friendly to your family…as long as they’re under 18.”

DeSantis cited his new “anti-woke” policy initiative as the impetus for banning discussions of Super Bowl LVII’s halftime show.

“It was so woke, too, wasn’t it? It wasn’t just a woke-er singing, either! Just everywhere you looked, there was a woke-er,” DeSantis explained. “One woke-er after another performing. And don’t get me started on Christina Aguilera! I thought she was a normie, but then she got up there and sang with Rihanna, so she’s clearly a woke-er lover, and I need to have her catalogue of songs removed from all Florida radio stations ASAP!”

@jamboschlarmbo #DeSantis sometimes makes my satire reality before I get to post it. #Floriduh #Florida #satire #SuperBowlLVII #RIhanna #RonDeSantis #politics ♬ original sound – James Schlarmann


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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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