Mobile Deportation Detention Centers To Be Installed Behind Traveling Trump Circus

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Donald Trump, Jr. announced before a press conference this morning that his family’s business enterprises would be taking on a new venture by the end of the year. Hours later his father, Co-President Donald J. Trump, announced that new, mobile deportation detention centers will be built to help immigration officials continue the ramped-up deportation efforts of the current administration.

“Trump Enterprises is very pleased to announce a new project that we feel best leverages our current position in the world, as well as really encapsulates what the Trump family name has become synonymous with,” the junior Trump told reporters, “and so it’s with great pride that I’m here before you today to announce the Trump Brothers Circus will be touring the country very soon!”

The Trump Brothers Circus will be run by Donald and his brother, Uday. It will feature “all the things you love about circuses,” Donald, Jr. announced.

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“You want clowns,” Donald, Jr. asked rhetorically, “well, you know the Trump family’s got clowns for days! You want elephants? We’re Republicans now! Don’t believe us, just look at all the shit piled up in the corner over there! That’s real, live, elephant shit from the asses of angry Republicans all over the country. The more they scream about immigrants or Muslims, the higher that pile of shit goes! It’s like magic!”

Trump, Jr. indicated that the country had already gotten “a pretty good taste” of how the circus would operate by watching his father’s presidential administration the last few weeks.

“We’re going to have one ring of the circus dedicated to just conspiracy theories,” Trump, Jr. said, “and you’ll have to put on a special tinfoil hat that our good friends at Breitbart are sponsoring. InfoWars got the naming rights to that tent, but we worked out a deal to keep Breitbart happy too.”

At a separate press conference back in the nation’s capital, Co-President Donald J. Trump made a “bigly announcement” himself.

“We’re going to ask Congress to set aside funding for mobile deportation detention centers,” Trump announced, “and those detention centers will just travel right along behind the Trump Brothers Circus. Don’t worry, everyone, the circus will pay for the travel expenses of the detention centers. We just need you, the American People, to foot the bill for the centers themselves. We’ll get Mexico to pay for them…later…at some point. Prolly.”

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The detention centers will be in operation whenever the circus is in town, Trump said. Back in New York City, Trump’s son told reporters that immigrants and refugees will always be given free admission to the circus.

“They’ll just have to enter through a special tent, designed just for them,” Trump, Jr. told the press, “so while everyone else is being distracted by the wonder that is the Trump Circus, refugees and immigrants will have a totally different circus to experience. We’re really excited for them, and you should be too. No. Really. You should be. Daddy told me you have to be!”

This is a developing story.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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