PEYONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA — The 2018 Winter Olympics have just about completed. The games have been played, the medals have been handed out, and soon the closing ceremony will officially draw the games to their natural conclusion. But there will be one more official piece of Olympics business that must be taken care of before the closing ceremony, and Chef Guy L’Lalou is in frantic preparation for it.

“I am of course very honored to be the chef in charge of so much of the cuisine served to our athletes and dignitaries this year,” L’Lalou told us in a Skype interview. “But to get the honor of deep frying the Olympic rings? That’s almost too much for one chef to handle.”

Starting at the 1996 Summer Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia, just before the closing ceremonies take place, the five giant, multicolored rings that make up the Olympics logo are dismantled from wherever they are on display. Chef L’Lalou’s crack team of seasoned line cooks then breaks the rings down into individual rings. Each ring is then beer battered using a brew local to the host country, and is then carefully deep fried to golden perfection.

http://pastichepost.com/2018/02/12/furious-curlers-stand/

“Everyone loves a good onion ring, in my experience. They’re crisp, sweet on the inside, when done right a true treat,” Chef L’Lalou told us. “I’m really excited to show the world that I can do something even better with the Olympic rings.”

L’Lalou will fry up the rings in batter he says was inspired by the local cuisine of South Korea. He’ll serve them up with five different sauces, one for each ring, though he says the sauces can be used with any of the rings. Owing to the current geopolitical climate, L’Lalou says he decided to give each region of the planet their own type of sauce. He called it “sauce diplomacy.”

“So you know, there’s an Asian-inspired sauce, and a European one,” L’Lalou said. “And of course Russia and America will share the same gross, lumpy, orange sauce that no one really wants. I went ahead and added some steroids into that sauce as well, so the Russian athletes would feel more at home. Especially since they’ve had to play these entire games under a different flag than their home country’s.”

Chef L’Lalou will be publishing the recipe for his beer batter and accompanying sauces some time in the coming weeks.

You can also find satire on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

More Satire:

http://pastichepost.com/2018/02/24/colt-announces-new-ammo-box-tops-program/