Dean of Wal*Mart School of Law ‘Tremendously Proud’ of Alum Sarah Palin’s New TV Gig

SMITH’S PASS, ARKANSAS — When Dr. William T. Hubbard of the Wal*Mart School of Law found out one of his schools “best and dimmest” students had landed a high-profile spot on a new court’s bench, he says he was “tremendously proud” of that student.

“Sarah Palin mastered our 90 day law degree program in just over two years,” Dr. Hubbard said, “and that is a record for this school. Most of our students take upwards of eight years to complete, but we could tell Sarah had something really, really special.” Dr. Hubbard further said that Palin was “cut out” for a bench where “her decisions aren’t legally binding any real court of law” because “she’s Wal*Mart Law brilliant but that’s not like, Harvard Law brilliant or nothin’.”

It was announced last week that Ms. Palin, who was one-half of the disastrous 2008 Republican ticket that saw John McCain go down in flames to President Barack Obama, would get her own reality TV court room series, much like “The People’s Court.” Dr. Hubbard believes her tenure on the TV show might even put her on the radar for Justice Antonin Scalia’s now empty seat on the Supreme Court bench, if Donald Trump wins the presidential election in November.

“Oh, I think Donald and Sarah would share many of the same stunted view points,” Hubbard said, “so that is a match made in Hell to be sure.”

Hubbard said that given her reputation for not finishing what she started, he was worried at first when she matriculated to Wal*Mart Law, but she “finished something for once in her life” and when he handed her the degree she’d earned, he knew she would become “one hell of a judge.”

“She’ll be good for a solid half-season of jurisprudence,” Hubbard said, “and with Sarah, you really do need to consider yourself lucky if you get any effort, much less half-assed effort.”

Dr. Hubbard sent a basket of muffins and a gift certificate to Chik-Fi-A to congratulate Ms. Palin on her new job.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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