Dan Quayle Offers Donald Trump Spelling Lessins

Over the weekend, President-Elect Donald Trump sent a tweet in which he misspelled a commonly used word, and touched-off a barrage of mocking and chiding replies and mentions back at him. Tweeting an accusation that China “stole” a drone that belonged to the United States, Trump called such act “unpresidented,” which was confirmed as a blunder on the word “unprecedented” when the misspelled tweet was deleted and replaced with a nearly identical one, except the incorrect spelling had been rectified.

Many on both sides of the aisle mocked Trump, but one man in particular became upset enough about the situation to send the alleged billionaire and reality-TV star a sternly worded letter, and an offer of some spelling tutoring. ¬†Former Vice-President Danforth Quayle, the man George H.W. Bush called on to be his second-in-command, is said to have written the letter all by himself, in crayon, and he even “addressed, stamped, and mailed” the letter by himself too, sources close to Quayle said, “like a big boy!”

The letter Quayle sent was leaked to the press by someone close to Mr. Trump. We decided to publish the letter in its entire, verbatim, unaltered form. It has been transcribed, but nothing else has been altered in the text below.

Dear Donald,

You’re spelling is imbarassing us all. I will gladly give you spelling lessins so Republican don’t look so dum. Let me know, Mr. Trump. For all intensive purposes, you represent not just every American, but every Republican American too. Please do a gooder job. Your speaking for all of us now. I have faith in you, Mr. President-Elect, to clean up your mistakes, and I have volinteering my skills to be used at your displosure.


Danny Quayle

Sources close to the president-elect say that he was “honored and touched” by Quayle’s letter. They said that Mr. Trump, contrary to popular opinion, can take constructive criticism from anyone at any time.

“Hey might freak out and send fifteen tweets at 3am,” one aide said, “and those tweets may now have the ability to spark civil unrest all over the country. But, like, that’s no big whoop, right?”

Another source close to Trump said that while he was flattered by Quayle’s offer, they don’t expect Trump will take the former Vice-President up on it.

“I mean, our boss doesn’t even meet with U.S. intelligence officials more than once a week,” the anonymous aide told us, “because he thinks he’s too smart to need to be given information relevant to national security. So spelling words correctly in tweets he sends in the wee hours of the morning, fingers caked in coke residue? Yeah, not really a high priority for this guy, if you know what I mean.”

President-Elect Trump may decline Quayle’s offer of tutelage, but aides say Trump sent a “lovely box of the finest potatoes in all of Idaho” to Quayle as a thank you.

“The president-elect really loves himself,” one source said, “and just paying attention to him is one way to get Trump on your good side. It usually takes a few minutes for him to realize you may not be saying nice things about him, but at least initially, if you give him attention, he’ll want to hump your leg, and I don’t necessarily mean that metaphorically. Poor Ivanka.”

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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