Daily American Greatness Tracker – Day 8 & 9

In this weekend edition of our Daily American Greatness Tracker, we look at the second full weekend that Donald J. Trump was president. As you can see from the chart, Saturday saw a big jump upward as Trump signed his Muslim ban executive order. However, the precipitous fall you see for today’s date is the result of that mean ol’ federal judge slapping down the order. The White House confirmed news of the judge’s stay order reached President Trump who immediately got “a real case of the bummers.”

Over the last couple of days, the Trump administration says it took several key factors into account to determine just how great America is at the time of publication. Below are both their negative and positive factors impacting Americas Greatness Tracker.

Positive Factors:

  • Mike Pence had a wonderful dream in which he got control over every vagina in America
  • Steve Bannon finally could remember that hilarious racist joke Strom Thurmond told him on his death bed.
  • Somewhere in the country a Mexican man was given a sideways glance when he walked into a convenience store
  • CIA Director Mike Pompeo won an eBay auction he had been watching for a couple weeks, and he’s now the proud owner of J. Edgar Hoover’s favorite garter belts.
  • Jared Kushner convinced his father-in-law that they should ban the import of muslin material into country next

Negative Factors:

  • Trump says a “poopy headed” judge blocked his “totally awesome and legit Muslim ban.”
  • Ivanka still hasn’t formally “thanked” her daddy for the lovely necklace of pearl he gave her inauguration night.
  • Some random stand-up comedian at an open mic in Delaware made fun of Trump’s hair and he found about it.
  • Gen. “Mad Dog” Mattis accidentally ate a pot brownie and suddenly said he wanted to change his name to “Chill Puppy.”
  • There are still non-white, non-Christians in this country who don’t feel ashamed to call themselves non-white, non-Christians.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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