Daily American Greatness Tracker – Day 11

In today’s edition of the Daily American Greatness Tracker, we see very slight uptick in American Greatness. American greatness came to the fore of American political discourse when President Trump made his campaign slogan, “Make America Great Again.” Many have wondered if a platitude such as that can really be quantified and qualified, but several leading governmental scientists and alternative fact-checkers have confirmed over the last 11 days it is indeed very possible to measure just how great America is on a day to day basis.

Trump administration officials, after having gotten consent from both Russian President Vladimir Putin and Co-President Steve Bannon, to release the following information in conjunction with the Daily Greatness Tracker results for today.

Positive Factors:

  • Kellyanne Conway told President Trump how big his hands looked against the pocket-sized Constitution he keeps on his desk in the Oval Office.
  • President Trump’s daughter Ivanka was looking especially smokin’ hot today.
  • Ben Carson made a presentation to members of Trump’s cabinet and neither he nor they fell asleep.
  • The dry cleaners found Jeff Session’s favorite white robe so he can wear it to the post-confirmation party after all.
  • Somewhere in America a Mexican was discriminated against.

Negative Factors:

  • Reince Priebus finally figured out how close to “pubes” his last name is.
  • No one on his cabinet would let Trump give Sally Yates the death penalty for treason.
  • Steve Bannon’s Nazi gold eBay auction got canceled
  • There are still non-white, non-Christians in this country who don’t feel ashamed to call themselves non-white, non-Christians.
  • Somewhere in America, a Mexican wasn’t treated any differently than a non-Mexican would be.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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