Daily American Greatness Tracker – Day 10

As we careen into the second full week of President Donald J. Trump’s tenure, it’s time yet again to check our Daily American Greatness Tracker. One of Trump’s central promises, perhaps the central promise, was to Make America Great Again. While many feel that this is an impossible thing to measure, since it’s essentially an empty platitude, we here at The Political Garbage Chute merely saw that as a challenge, and have been tracking American greatness every single day, and will continue to do so for the entire time that Trump is in office.

Today, we see that American greatness has jumped from an abysmal 55% all the way to 203%. The White House has released the following positive and negative factors that they say had influence on the level of American greatness experienced in the country today.

Positive Factors:

  • President Trump received a beautiful flask from Russian President Vladimir Putin that wasn’t too large for him to hold in one hand, unlike all the other flasks he’d ever used.
  • Kellyanne Conway’s replacement soul was delivered by Amazon Prime, and this one is far more vacant, willing to lie for President Trump.
  • Attorney General Nominee Jeff Sessions got his favorite white robe back from the cleaners.
  • Steve Bannon didn’t have to interact with a single Jew, or even anyone he suspected was Jewish, all weekend long.

Negative Factors:

  • Pope Francis still will not confirm that President Trump is “just like Jesus in every single way.”
  • Trump’s son-in-law and top adviser was in the room too while and Ivanka were getting “Daddy/Daughter bonding time.”
  • A sketch comedy troupe in a small mountain town in Georgia made fun of President Trump’s hair and he found about it.
  • Vice President Pence found out that he doesn’t technically own every vagina just because he’s the Vice President.
  • There are still non-white, non-Christians in this country who don’t feel ashamed to call themselves non-white, non-Christians.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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