Crypt Keeper Going As Kellyanne Conway For Halloween This Year

KASSIR FALLS, CALIFORNIA — Each year, residents The Crypt Keeper’s sleepy California town take bets on what he’ll be for Halloween, and this year he’s announced his costume will once again have a satirically political theme — Senior Trump administration official Kellyanne Conway.

“I wanted to go with a costume that was actually more creepy, more disgusting, and more repulsive than I am,” Crypt Keeper told his local newspaper.

“Which didn’t leave me with a lot of option. Then someone showed me an interview with Conway and my heart just knew this was the ghoulish, enabling monster I wanted to be for Halloween this year!”

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It has become a longstanding tradition dating back to the 1990’s for the Crypt Keeper to hold an annual Halloween costume party in his town. The proceeds from the cover charge at the door are donated to local charities. Every year, Crypt Keeper chooses a new, elaborate costume to wear, often times choosing one that coincides with some kind of current event.

“In 1998 he was one of the Macarena guys with a hatchet in his face,” Jack Smiggleton, a resident of Kassir Falls, told us.

“That was a pretty great one. In 2004 he went as the Iraqi WMDs and just hid behind a wall the whole night, because he didn’t really exist. Classic Crypt Keeper!”

Wanting to simplify his costume was one reason that Crypt Keeper decided to go as Conway this year.

“It’s a real hassle getting all the makeup and stuff on every year,” Crypt Keeper explained. “Going as another bag of bones with an annoying voice lets me do less, and yet somehow accomplish more.”

Reached for comment, Kellyanne Conway said she’d have to get back to us because she was having the cameras on her microwaves adjusted.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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