Cruz Cautions Harris Against Using Wired Headphones While Wearing a Tan Suit

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, Politico dropped what can only be fairly described as the most important, consequential, must-read story of the Biden administration thus far. The story details what might be the most crucial scandal to befall any executive branch administration in the history of the United States.

According to the report, Vice President Kamala Harris only uses wired earbuds to communicate on her phone, not earbuds with Bluetooth capability. Sources say Harris sees Bluetooth as a potential security threat, a thought backed up by various cyber security experts. However, reaction to the Politico story from Harris’ political adversaries has been much more grave, serious, and even ominous in tone.

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Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) appeared on Fox News this morning and blasted Harris’ choice in earbuds. Cruz also issued a warning to Harris which he described as “serious and important.”

“I would tell Vice President Harris that she needs be very cautious right now. She’s making some rather questionable decisions, and I think she’s frankly on thin ice, fashion-wise. Lord help her if we see her using wired headphones in a tan suit,” Cruz said with a serious tone.

Sen. Cruz told Fox that he plans to work with Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene to draft articles of impeachment against Harris, and will file them if she “continues to assault America with personal choices about her choice in earbuds” and commits any more errors he feels warrant her removal from office.

“The way things are going, we’re only days away from seeing Vice President Harris eating a burger with mustard on it, in a tan suit, while talking to one Mr. Ben Gozzi on wired headphones. And I cannot think of anything worse in the history of our great nation,” Cruz said.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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