Conservative Talk Host Wants Kaepernick To Protest Violently So She Can Blame Him For Not Protesting Peacefully

DALLAS, TEXAS — Conservative talk show host Tami Loren is really “peeved and cheesed” at 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick for his protest of the national anthem before games this year, and she’s sounding off on her show about it.

Kaepernick has set the conservative commentating world ablaze, one might say, over his decision to sit or kneel while the Star Spangled Banner is played before the NFL games his team is participating in this season. Loren has repeatedly gone after Kaepernick during her “Pedantic Thoughts” segments, and her latest video once again tore into the athlete, but this time she took umbrage with the peaceful nature of Kaepernick’s protest. Loren is incensed that by protesting peacefully, Kaepernick has taken away some of Loren’s “best racially-charged rhetoric.”

“Let me ask you this,” Loren bellowed to the camera in a segment last night, “why doesn’t Kaepernick protest more violently? If he is truly a supporter of the obviously terrorist group Black Lives Matter, why doesn’t he protest like they always do and clearly condone other people do, and do it violently?”

Loren has spent several segments on Kaepernick’s peaceful protest during this week, but she said that the subject “finally boiled over” and she’s even more upset that he hasn’t “cranked it up a notch” yet.

“Some might say that the riots that broke out in Ferguson and Baltimore last year happened because violent agitators that likely have nothing to do with BLM got involved and wanted to cause problems like anarchists tend to do,” Loren told her audience, “but we conservatives know that BLM is just like the Black Panther Party — a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule America by protesting systemic racism and demanding it stop.”

Ms. Loren says it’s “rude and inconsiderate” of Kaepernick to protest peacefully and “rob” her of the chance to chastise him, like she does with rioters, for being “detrimental to his cause.”

“How rude of him,” Loren said, “to say nothing of it being un-American for him to peacefully protest the national anthem. What, you think you have some kind of constitutional protection of your right of freedom of expression, Kaep?! You not protesting violently sends a clear signal to Americans that we arch-conservative, race-baiting hucksters on the right are completely full of shit, and that is rude and inconsiderate of you to rob me of some of my best racially-charged rhetoric!”

Representatives from the 49ers and Kaepernick were unable to be reached for comment. Loren begged to be interviewed so she could give a quote and “get more attention,” but her offer was politely declined by our editorial staff.

Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This