HOBART, ARKANSAS — Of all the scandals that Clem O’Connell saw embroil the Obama Administration, perhaps none was more insulting to the American people, he says, than when the 44th President of the United States wore a taupe suit.
Back in 2014, Obama rankled conservatives everywhere when he appeared at a press conference in a suit that was not dark in color. Pundits on the right, who had also excoriated Obama for putting his feet up on the Oval Office desk and being photographed in that position, seemed quite irate at the presidential fashion choice. Though conservative scholars scoured the Constitution, however, they couldn’t find anywhere that it gave them permission to draw up impeachment charges for the offense of wearing a light-colored suit.
“I ain’t saying it was as bad as when he put mustard on his God danged hamburger,” Clem said, “because that’s just wrong. Especially when it’s some kind of French Dee-John mustard! But that suit really did send a message to mainstream America that he hated us, and freedom, and the Constitution, and God, and Jesus.”
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Clem regaled his podcast audience this weekend with a litany of things Obama had done to “downgrade and disintegrate” the office of the presidency.
“Remember when he saluted that guy with a coffee cup in his hands,” Clem asked his audience, “that was about as close to putting a Sharia Voodoo Hex on him as you can get! Then there was the time he was black in the Oval Office for eight years. If keeping a white man out of the big chair in the Oval Office for nearly a decade isn’t sign of white genocide, fam, I don’t know what is!”
One thing Clem knows “for goddamned certain” though, is that President Donald Trump has “done everything in his beautiful, orange-tinted power” to rectify the damage done by Obama. Clem said that while the “lamestream, libtarded press” is trying to spin Trump’s recent attacks on two MSNBC hosts and CNN in a negative light, Americans all over the country are siding with Trump. Trump tweeted this weekend that while his social media use is “not presidential,” in his view it’s “MODERN DAY PRESIDENTIAL.”
My use of social media is not Presidential – it’s MODERN DAY PRESIDENTIAL. Make America Great Again!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 1, 2017
“Trump is totally right,” Clem insisted, “he isn’t presidential. I would never call him presidential. Even as stupid as I am — and I’ve lived in a deep red state my whole life voting for Republicans, never realizing my state is sucking blue states dry because of our Republican governments — I’d never say he was presidential. But that’s where libtards got it all wrong, you see. We don’t a presidential person in the Oval Office. We want a right-wing, theocratic, Trickle Down rubber stamping puppet. And that’s exactly what we got.”
President Trump also tweeted an animated GIF cut together from an appearance he made a few years back on the WWE’s “Wrestlemania” program. The GIF places a CNN logo over an actor’s face, and then Trump is seen faux-pummeling the CNN logo-faced actor. Clem says that tweet was just “harmless joshing” and doesn’t “rise to the same violent, depraved level” that a recent staging of Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar” that had America’s right-wing up in arms.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 2, 2017
“I heard some liberal lefty talking head the other day say that since that same theater troupe also did Julius Caesar during the Obama years with a black Caesar that somehow means something,” Clem said, “but give me a break. Everyone knows the people you have to fear the most are theater nerds! If you got offended by the super-hilarious CNN GIF just because it’s a tacit endorsement of violence against the free press, which is constitutionally guaranteed by our very first amendment in the Bill of Rights, then you’re what’s wrong with America, Commie!”
Clem’s show, “Totally and Completely Biased But Who Cares Because Our Stupid Fans Think We’re Not,” drops new episodes every time Clem’s mom stops hogging all the dial-up Internet.
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