Clarence Thomas Found a Pubic Hair on Harlan Crow’s Nazi Linens

“…we all heard just absolutely ear shattering laughter coming from the room where Mr. Crow keeps all his Nazi swag.”

According to several sources close to the situation, something rather remarkable happened during the last visit Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas had with billionaire and Republican mega-donor Harlan Crow. We spoke to a source who works for Mr. Crow and though they wished to stay anonymous, they also agreed to give the public some details as to what exactly transpired.

“Justice Thomas and Mr. Crow were having a pretty normal hangout session. Like they always do, they smoked $1000 cigars and drank whisky worth more per ounce than most of us pay in rent,” our source told us.

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“When Mr. Crow decided to show Justice Thomas some new additions to his Nazi memorabilia library, we all heard just absolutely ear shattering laughter coming from the room where Mr. Crow keeps all his Nazi swag.”

When they arrived to check on Thomas and Crow, our source told us Thomas and Crow  were found locked eye to eye, still laughing, and each man was also rubbing the others’ genitals.

“It was over the clothing, but you could tell they were both super horny for each other in that moment. It was honestly pretty disturbing and gross,” our source explained. “When we got there, Justice Thomas said he was sorry if they caused any alarm with their laughter, but he’d just found a pubic hair on Mr. Crow’s Nazi linens, and the two of them found it so funny and erotic that they had a simultaneous laugh and pud pull. Which is honestly pretty normal in Republican power circles.”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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