War on Christmas

Boebert Thinks Hillary Clinton Had the Fox News Christmas Tree Torched to Cover-Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressidiot Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) smells a rat, and she thinks the odor is emanating from the Fox News Christmas Tree's charred remains. Though a new tree was erected to much fanfare this weekend, conservative Americans still...

Jesus Christ Doesn’t ‘Have Any Fucks to Give’ About the Fox News Christmas Tree

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This week, Conservative America has been highly focused on what is being described in certain circles as the most egregious attacks in the left's long-running war on Christmas in quite some time, if not...

Matt Gaetz Poses With Someone Else’s Daughters Holding AR-15’s for His Christmas Card

Never one to pass up an opportunity to join in on the fun his Republican colleagues are having, Congressman Matt Gaetz posted his family's Christmas card to social media today. At least, Rep. Gaetz posted a Christmas card that...

Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In an official signing ceremony held in the Oval Office, President Joe Biden declared that for the next 365 days, "all holidays matter." "Look here bub, I'm under direct orders by Lord Soros himself to attack Christmas...

Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

CORNHOLE, TEXAS -- State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R-TX) filed paperwork in Texas this week, aiming to "outlaw any and all pagan rituals and holidays." Thompaulsen's intent, he told Steve Bannon during a taping of Bannon's podcast, was to "protect and...

When Will Biden Officially Cancel Christmas This Year?

Everyone knows it's coming. The former president warned us -- only he could protect the most important day in the history of humanity from the savage attacks of liberals as they wage their very real War on Christmas. Yet, despite his...

Starbucks Rolls Out Hanukkah, Kwanza, Church of Satan Holiday Cups

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Coffee purveyor Starbucks announced three new holiday cups will start making their way to stores this week. During the presser, Starbucks acknowledged the outrage among some evangelical Christians display on an annual basis, each time Starbucks' holiday...

Biden Makes “Merry Christmas” Illegal Again

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Some on the right have accused President Joe Biden of being a so-called "Quiet Revolutionary." In lay terms, President Biden's critics believe that he is in many ways far more radically-left in his policies and goals than...

Horny Jesus Reminds You He’s Also the Reason for the Squeezin’

SEXXXY HEAVEN -- Horny Jesus Christ, the super-sexed-up version of the character from the bestselling fantasy fiction series "The Whore-y Bible," which is an edition of the Bible that features sexualized stories from the scripture, told the world today...

In 5-4 Decision, Supreme Court Says Jesus Is the Reason for the Season

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. Supreme Court ruled last week, in a narrow, 5-4 decision that New York could not prohibit large religious gatherings in an attempt to fight the novel coronavirus. Pushing the court to its decision was the...
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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