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Leaked Texts Show President Asking Don Jr If He’s Got Any Blow

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- A laptop found in a Manhattan alleyway seems to contain texts between President Donald J. Trump and his son,...

Trump Announces Start of “Operation Legendary Fascist Show of Force Against People of Color”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donaldito Trumpolini gave an address to His nation from the White Power House today, announcing alongside Gestapo Generalisimo Guillermo Barr...

Paramount Alleges Trademark Infringement Against Space Force

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- Paramount Studios has filed a lawsuit against the Space Force, alleging that their logo is a "blatant and comically obvious, lazy...

Princess Ivanka Tells Media ‘Elites’ Their Criticisms Make Daddy Cry On His Golden Toilet

THE HIGH THRONE OF NEPOTISTIC PALACE, UNICORN LAND -- Princess Ivanka scolded the American media more directly today after she tweeted her thoughts on...

He Would Rather Be Homeless in California Than Live in Alabama

LOS CONSERVATIVOS CHINGANDOS, CALIFORNIA -- This morning, a day after Christmas, impeached President Donald J. Trump lashed out at Speaker of the House Nancy...

MAGA Boy: “My Family Didn’t Come Here from Europe to Let No Immigrants In!”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- On the latest edition of his podcast, right-wing YouTube star and alt-right country music sensation Jethro Bohiggins said that...

Local Mom and Pop Coffee Shop Only Calls Cops On Black Hipsters

BISCUIT HILLS, PENNSYLVANIA -- When Susan Carolsen heard the news about a Starbucks in nearby Philadelphia being the scene of an arrest of two...

Mark Zuckerberg Enters 20th Hour Explaining To Chuck Grassley That He’s Not The “You’ve Got Mail” Guy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A very patient and stoic Mark Zuckerberg, CEO and co-founder of Facebook, is still sitting in the same chair he sat...

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