U.S. Politics

MTG Claims She Saw Leprechauns Planting Pots of Gold Near Southern Border

Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) told the House Subcommittee on Racist Nationalism today that while she was visiting the U.S. southern border with Mexico this week, she personally witnessed "dozens and dozens" of Leprechauns planting pots of gold. Rep. Greene...

Klansman Supports Florida Republicans Banning Democratic Party From the State

"I am not quite sure why that nice, young man who looks like a thumb was willing to kick out the party that I'd never vote for anyway, but I sure am glad he decided to do it." -...

DeSantis Slams NYC’s Lack of Meth-Fueled Nazis Harassing School Teachers

"...there's a governor in this country who understands and appreciates the value of Jesus Freak neo-Nazis bullying and intimidating people." - Gov. Ron DeSantis Ron DeSantis is the Governor of Florida. Despite the fact that his job duties take place...

Biden Tells Trump He’ll Race Him Upstairs to See Who Takes Cognitive Test First

The one thing it seems every Americans knows they need most isn't food, clothing, shelter, or healthcare. It's a constant, never-ending election cycle, and even though the next presidential contest is still more than a year and a half...

Mike Pence: “I Will Not Testify, But Please Keep Waving Your Subpoenas In My Face!”

While speaking to a convention of pro-life stay-at-home moms this weekend, former Vice President Mike Pence briefly discussed his decision to resist testifying to federal authorities about the events leading up to January 6th, 2021, despite being served with...

Trump: “Ain’t Nobody Stormin’ the Capitol If Nikki Haley Loses!”

Today, on Valentine's Day, former Gov. Nikki Haley (Q-SC) announced that she was officially beginning her 2024 presidential campaign. Haley became the first prominent Republican to challenge her former boss, ex-President Donald J. Trump, for her party's nomination. If Haley...

Smithsonian Apologizes for Escaped Horse Faced Cave Troll’s Disruptions During State of the Union

Last night, one of the Smithsonian's displays came alive and escaped the confines of the museum. Reportedly, the horse faced cave troll that broke out from the Smithsonian's "Prehistoric Humans" exhibit wound up at President Joe Biden's State of...

Mike Pence Returns Classified Docs and Hunter Biden’s Dick Pics to Proper Authorities

This morning, a courier hired by former Vice President High Priest Mike Pence delivered unmarked envelopes to two different locations. When asked about this on Fox News, Pence explained why he hired the courier. "I told that nice, strapping, hard...

I Just Had a Lobotomy, and I Am Shocked at How Incompetent House Republicans Are

I have to say, after watching Kevin McCarthy fail four consecutive times in two days to secure enough votes from his own party to become Speaker of the House, that I am starting to believe the Republican Party is...

Sinema and Gabbard Form The Desperate to Stay Relevant Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Less than twelve hours after announcing that she had left the Democratic Party, Sen. Kyrsten Sinema (Attention-AZ), announced that she and another former Democrat were teaming up to form their own, brand new political party. "Umm, like,...
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Trump Confident All His Kids He Wants to Fuck Will Visit Him in Prison

"For starters, we'll probably end up in the same prison system, so it's not like she'll be able to...
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