The War on Drugs

Mexico Offers to Pay to Teach MTG What Real Bombs Look Like

The Government of Mexico officially offered to give Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) as much money as she needs to hire a tutor who can teach her to tell the difference between real bombs and fake ones. In a...

Sha’Carri Richardson Suspended After Testing Positive for Snack Enhancing Drug

Olympic sprinter Sha'Carri Richardson will miss her signature 100-meter dash event at the 2021 Summer Olympics in Tokyo, now that she's been suspended. Ms. Richardson's suspension was handed down today, after she tested positive for a "prohibited snack enhancing...

Man and Weed Dealer Have Agreement Not to Discuss Politics

LOS BURRITOS MOJADOS, CALIFORNIA -- Every couple of weeks, 40 year old computer programmer Jim Lawrence buys a half-ounce of cannabis, or marijuana, from Michael Marshall. Michael and Jim each say they like each other well enough, however both...

Is Weed Really Safe? Man Smokes Pot, Suffers Lava Burns 36 Hours Later

How safe is legal weed if you can smoke some literally days later get into an accident?

Cannabis Overdoses Multiplied By Over 1,000,000% in 2018

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The National Institute of Drug Policy and Research teamed up with the American Academy of Medicine and conducted a yearlong study of marijuana overdoses last year. The results of the study were published this week in...

Vatican Unveils Papal Vape-als Line of Holy THC Products

THE VATICAN -- Since ascending to the Catholic Church's highest and most important post, Pope Francis has often times taken actions that past popes may have not have. He's spoken out quite strong against the pitfalls of unfettered capitalism,...

7 Signs Your Cat Wants to Get Baked and Watch “Queer Eye” With You

For years, zoologists and veterinarians have known but not understood a curious fact about common domesticated house cats. That fact is: They love to get high and watch episodes of "Queer Eye" on Netflix. The fact that cats like...

Jeff Sessions Can Finally Unwind, Smoke a Doob, and Forget About Persecuting Brown People Awhile

GREEN FIELD SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA -- Just after former Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced his resignation, he boarded a privately chartered plane, and took off for California. Sessions knew exactly where he wanted to go, and what he wanted to...

Economists: Legal California Marijuana Will Make In ‘N’ Out Richer Than God By 2028

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Economists at the National Institute of Cash Money released the results of a study they conducted during the first three months that recreational marijuana was legal in the state of California and based on...

Jeff Sessions Says He’s Not Surprised ‘That Long Haired, Loony Liberal John Boehner’ Joined Marijuana Firm

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, it was announced that former Speaker of the House John Boehner would be joining the advisory board of Acreage Holdings. For a former congressman to leave the public sector and enter the private one is...
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DeSantis Bans Depictions of Nude Baby Jesus in Florida

Just hours after a Tallahassee school principal was fired because parents complained their children were exposed to one of...
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