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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...

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The Bible Belt

TN School Board Approves Only Two Books for Classrooms: The Bible and “The Art of the Deal”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Marking a change in current trends, a school board...
Pew Pew!

Matt Gaetz Poses With Someone Else’s Daughters Holding AR-15’s for His Christmas Card

Never one to pass up an opportunity to join in on the fun his...
The Bible Belt

TX Man Unsure Whether to Let Cousin Die From Complications or Sue Her For Getting Abortion

SHITLIP, TEXAS -- Bill Williamson has found himself in some rather unforeseen circumstances before,...
The Bible Belt

Pregnant Texas Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend for Child Support

GILEAD, TEXAS -- In a case that might send reverberations throughout the Lone Star...
LGTBQ+

Texas Informs Congress It Has Added “-ghanistan” to Its Name

AUSTIN, TEXGHANISTAN -- For for the first time in decades, a member of the...
The Bible Belt

Progressives to Build ‘Underground Handmaid’s Railroad’ Connecting Texas to Blue States

In Texas, soon it will be illegal for a woman to get an abortion...
History

Texas Board of Education Eliminates Need to Teach Kids The South Lost

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- The Texas Board of Education, in a narrow, party line vote,...
Science & Medicine

Alabama Offering Anyone Who Gets Vaccinated Free Nudes of Their Sister

MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA -- All over the country, states are trying desperately to get their...
Criminal Justice

South Carolina Lets Death Row Inmates Choose Execution by Spending Five Minutes With Ted Cruz

COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA -- In the Palmetto State, it's become quite difficult for authorities...
Pew Pew!

Texas: Shooting Self in Dick Surpasses Covid-19 Deaths for First Time Since 2019

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- Republicans in the Lonestar State are crowing quite loudly this morning...
MAGA News

Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc.,...
The Bible Belt

Roy Moore and Matt Gaetz Announce 2024 Run as President and VP

"You know us; we like to get in there as early as possible."
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)