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You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...

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Tech

Musk: “We’ll Let You Say What You Want on Twitter as Long As It’s Not About Me or My Companies”

Elon Musk does not officially own Twitter, not yet anyway. The Twitter board did accept...
LGTBQ+

I Run an Influential TikTok Account That Dehumanizes People. Why Can’t I Anonymously Ruin Lives?

The following editorial was submitted by Karol Markyshittz. Mz. Markyshittz up until very recently...
Tech

Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. What the actual, literal, perpetual fuck is going on over at Twitter? Elon...
Tech

Of Course Elon Will Let You Call Him a Pedo on Twitter Once He Buys It. He Loves Free Speech.

The following is an editorial submitted by Chad Schittsworth, a senior fellow at the...
Tech

InbredsOfTikTok Curates Content from Pro-Trump Users

While the Internet debates whether social media accounts that anonymously aggregate content for the...
Tech

Martian Hopes Musk Buys Twitter and It Keeps ‘That Billionaire Cretin’ Far Away From His Planet

Meepzorp is a resident of the Planet of Mars and recently told our outlet...
Tech

Trump Can’t Wait for Musk to Own Twitter So He Doesn’t Have to Post on Truth Social

A new report out of South Florida seems to indicate that one former, one-term,...
MAGA News

Of Course I Believe a Billionaire Wants to Protect My Freedom of Speech. I’m a Fucking Moron.

What's all this fuss about Elon Musk's hostile takeover attempt of Twitter? By now, don't...
Tech

McDonald’s Cashier Offers to Buy Truth Social For 25 Cents Per User

Billionaire Elon Musk joined the board of social media site Twitter this week, after...
Tech

If Musk Gets Controlling Stake, The First Thing He’ll Do Is Change Twitter’s Name

Billionaire Elon Musk recently purchased enough shares of Twitter to hold just under 10%...
Tech

Twitter Says Babylon Bee Can Have Its Account Back When It Switches from Hate Speech to Satire

Alleged comedic website The Babylon Bee had access to its Twitter account temporarily suspended this weekend...
Tech

In Potential Fight Between Putin and Musk, Most Rooting for Simultaneous Spontaneous Combustion

This week, billionaire and terminally online Twitter troll Elon Musk challenged Russian autocrat Vlad...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)