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You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...

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Religion

Satan Offers to Send Emerald Robinson to Med School

HELL -- NewsMax reporter and chief White House correspondent Emerald Robinson was permanently banned...
Religion

Hell Does Not Welcome Colin Powell as a Liberator

HELL -- When recently deceased former Secretary of State and Chairman of the Joint...
MAGA News

God: “I Have No Fucking Clue Who This Mango Craycray Greene Is”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, House Democrats passed a bill that, if signed into law,...
Religion

Pat Robertson Blames ‘Hot Men Doing Sexy Times on Each Other’s Fannies’ for California Wildfires

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson has been watching the developments in California...
Religion

Jesus Now Requires a Vaccine Passport to Enter Heaven

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- If you're going to die soon, and if when...
Religion

God: “No Other Gods Before Me Applies to Flags Too”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Larry "God" Schumway confirmed for afterlife reporters this morning...
Religion

Bishop Suggests Biden Help Him Cover-Up Sex Abuse If He Wants to Take Communion

If the president wants to take communion, Bishop Richard Tugger suggests that Joe Biden...
Religion

God Believes in ‘Evolution, Not in Marjorie Greene’s Humanity’

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- In a new interview he did with Deities Magazine, Larry...
MAGA News

Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc.,...
LGTBQ+

Greene: “I Will Never Back Down From Supporting Traditional Anglo-Moron Beliefs”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Within hours of a draft proposal for a new "America First...
Conservative Media

Babylon Bee Publishes The N-Word “Satirically”

Fans of comedy and satire might not recognize anything that the website publishes as...
Religion

Jesus Says It’s Okay to Pray That Trump Dies Before 2024

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Americans who find themselves praying that former President Donald...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)